Chacos in December

In Texas, you can wear your Chacos in December.  It is perfectly acceptable, mostly because it is hot.  You see what I did there?  Instead of complaining that it is December and it isn't cold, thus it doesn't feel like Christmas I found the positive. This time.

I don't usually do that, honestly.  I have been finding things lately that I absolutely abhor about my station in life.  I am never going to graduate from grad school, I miss my friends, I want to fast forward in life to the amazing summer I know I'm going to have.  In the midst of it all I am not grateful, not at all.  I recently read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts everyone go read it, now.  It is different.  She writes in a way that I haven't seen before, but it is beautiful and honest and revolutionary.  In the midst of reading Ann's book, I am amazed at how ungrateful I truly am.

I was on top of a ladder the other night at work, sifting through lay-a-ways trying to find the illusive bag I needed, sweat dripping from my forehead and then my scanner died.  On top of a ladder.  Didn't know where else to look for this order...anger abounded.  It is amazing how amidst the anger and especially in a time when you haven't really been listening to God all that well, he shows up.  He said, Will you have a job.  You see months earlier I complained to him every day because I didn't.  Now I do.  Though it may not be a hug career aspiration, I like the people I work with.  People may get angry over stupid things, but I get to (or should) show them Jesus.

So, here's to being grateful.  Ann says that thankfulness proceeds the miracle, that gratitude is a prerequisite for faith.  I haven't had a lot of either of those things lately.  I have just been running on fumes, not taking time to let God show up and help me out. My friend helped remind me of that yesterday, read that here. I haven't been grateful and faith has been missing out because of it.  Without faith, there is certainly a lack of obedience.  Which is required to walk with God.

This place in my life is not fun.  It may get there.  But, it also isn't horrible. I'm not suffering.  God is providing.  He will see me through and if something else is supposed to happen, he'll show me that too.  Just gotta be thankful and walk with him.  Every day.  Obey, that's it.

I should go study for finals and be productive.

But first...

I'm going to go put my Chacos on and get some lunch.

Sitting on a Fence Post

Politics, theology and the arguments they start.  Well, that is about all I can muster in that sentence and not say angry things.  I am not talking about taking sides on an issue, I am talking about arguing about an issue at all.  When I say arguing I mean being mean, hateful and acting juvenile.  When I say acting juvenile, I mean calling people names, like liberal or a fundamentalist or assuming that a political party affiliation sends people to hell.  Less you think your side is the good one - I'm here to tell you there is no good side.  They are both bad.  That's the thing with sides in a battle of any kind, at some point either one will do anything that wins and I mean I guess in the grand scheme of things someone has to be wrong.  You are right someone has to be wrong - but what if both sides are wrong?  What would that mean?

And I'd like to interject here...we can talk about things and disagree.  We can.  I do it often with friends.  And they are still my friends.  I don't doubt their salvation because of it, I just listen. They just listen. Without name calling like an elementary school play ground.

I grew up a big time nerd. Ok, so I still am a nerd.  I loved politics and watching CNN as a child.  I voted for Ronald Reagan before I was even born.  As I got older I learned the world is not as cut and dry as I make it out to be.  Both sides of the aisle have valid arguments.  Why can't we all just come, hold hands and sing Kum bah Yah?  Because we demonize each other.  I was told recently in a class that if you put the country on a political spectrum and draw a line right down the middle most of America hovers ever so closely to that line.  That is a no brainer, look at the polls.  The problem?  We elect two candidates that are so far to the right and so far to the left that they need binoculars or a telescope to see that the vast majority of America is in the middle.

And then there is theology.  Yep.  I went there.  Calvinism, Arminianism no middle ground.  Women or no women, no semantics. Liberal or conservative.  Heretic or fundamentalist.  Lord, save us all.  The truth is....the Bible talks about both sides of  most of those issues.  The Bible talks about election and free will (gasp).  The Bible tells women to keep silent (hold on) and to prophesy (there you go).  Let me go to inherency...what does that even mean?  All I'm going to say is take Ken Gore's doctrine class this Spring and let your head explode around that one. But, let's just say we have demonized each other for taking stands that are all supported by the Bible.  Now, I know that some of us have to be wrong.  There has to be a middle there.  Somewhere.  I get that.  And that's what I argue. Maybe the answer does lie in the middle where most of our congregants, those we preach to and minister to gather.  I dare think most of the members of any church in America don't know what a Calvinist is and sure as heck don't care (and I dare say that may not be a horrible thing all together).  So what do we do?

We learn to love.  We change ourselves first.  We change ourselves and commit to working with others. We commit to knowing that different is sometimes ok and it doesn't mean that the other person is going to hell.  It just doesn't.  I am friends with people that would be labeled all kinds of things Calvinists, Liberals, Fundamentalists, Democrats, Republicans the like. I work with people each summer that have different political opinions, different theological positions and different outlooks on life.  None of them are heretics. And each and every one of them love the Lord, have a passion for kids and see the world through the lenses of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Wouldn't that be great, instead of pushing a political agenda, or arguing with each other we put the Gospel between us.  Because "it is the power of God for salvation for everyone who believes." That is what matters.  That is the measure of our lives, that is what is going to get God to say, "well done my good and faithful servant."  That is what seeks justice for the fatherless, the widow, the alien and the poor.  That is what connects a Roman Catholic with a Southern Baptist.  That's the Gospel and friends, that is what is important.  Who are you going to vote for?  That's your choice and does God want you to consult him?  I'm going to go with a yes he'd like to know, but does your salvation depend on it? Never. Go, feed the hungry and clothe the naked.  Go, be a disciple.  And as a very smart man I know put it not to long ago we all get along when we sing the same song.  Let's make that song the gospel.  Come sing with me. You sing harmony.

"Present!"

We all know the roll call at the beginning of class.  The teacher says, "If you are here say here." There is always that one kid that says, "Present!" Gosh, he was cool.  But, I digress from the beginning.  I have been thinking a lot about being present.  Someone wise (I am too lazy to google it) said, "wherever you are be all there."  And the truth is for the last months of my life I have not been all there where I am.

I read a post the last week of camp written by a very wise woman.  This lady works(ed) in the CentriKid office at LifeWay and she was writing a post on how to deal with the post camp slump and she said wherever you are do not let your life be wasted.  Don't, do not live just for camp.  Then, I mean that sums up to don't just live for the next. Don't just live for graduation or the wedding or the ring.  Live where you are right now and be all there.  And I remember preaching that to my team the last week and using those words the last day of camp and yet I am having extreme trouble having enough faith to practice what I preach.

I had a visit from two wonderful friends this weekend.  It was great.  We had a lot of fun.  As I sat talking to Jon the first night having what is probably the 1000th chat we've had at our "sleep overs"  I thought how much things have changed.  We are still close, however we are not the same people.  I have been pining to live my Williams life too.  To go back to where I love.  What I call the happiest place on earth.  And I realized this weekend my Williams isn't there.  It doesn't exist anymore.  Because my people aren't there and if they are they aren't what they were.  It has changed.

This weekend I also got to skype with some of my favorite camp friends. I cried, there were awkward comments about me wanting to touch them, you know I miss the crap out of those guys.  But, that night as I fell asleep I thought about how much God is doing in each of our lives separately.  New things. He is stretching us.  And yet, we can still join in Christian community and share those experiences together.  That's what I call church, y'all.

I am a slow go at making friends here in Waco.  It is a long process that is taking forever.  I do know God has me here for some reason.  He's God and he can use me anywhere if I am willing to be used.  Stop thinking about next.  Stop thinking about how dang long this grad school thing is going to take and start being present.  Not just in body like all those kids that said here, but be that kid who said present, and maybe actually be present and be all there.

Because there are people to meet and people to grow with.  There may be no Sam to listen to while he plays guitar.  There may be no house that feels as much like home as Steph and Rob's.  There may be no cuter kids than Eli and Hannah.  I may never have a pastor like Mark Harris.  I certainly will not find someone that makes me laugh as much as Caleb McDonald or is as precious as Alli Sewell, or as good at stuff as Ellie Doom.  But, God does have new friends.  God does have community.  Faith is accepting it and watching it take flight.  But waiting while it does, waiting as an active participant in God's mission. That's the hard part.  But I gotta do it.

Let Me Be Man

#Thatawkwardmomentwhen your Dean of Students tells you to be a man in front of an entire class of people.  Those were good times.  Let me set the stage for you.  At the lovely, Williams Baptist College we had to take a class as Freshmen called Higher Learning.  In Mrs. Watson's Higher Learning class I was playing a game in front of the room.  I had to pick a category to win the game and I was indecisive.  What does Susan (sorry Mrs. Watson, I love this lady) say to me, "Be a man, Will, make a decision."  If you are an alum or knew me at WBC this is hilarious to you because you know me.  I don't often get embarrassed.  Everyone knew me at WBC, it wasn't a big deal.  It wasn't a big deal to the Will you know and love now, but freshman Will?  He was not too confident in a new place, the only new place he'd ever been in.  I could have crawled under the table and died.

Another story, you CK friends know what a Ryder is and every time you see one traveling down the road you have the urge to start a caravan.  Yep, Ryders are beautiful creations of a loving God.  Kind of.  When the beautiful Mary Chase Breedlove sent me an email to get my physical to drive a Ryder last summer I could have died.  Really, I could have.  But I did it and I drove it.  And there are stories of stomach problems and break downs that go along with it.  But, that's not the point.  One long trip (weren't they all long CK7?)  I was driving the Ryder and we were having hilarious walky chat.  I exclaim over the walky to my team, "Guys, I feel like a man driving this thing."  My good buddy and pastor Daniel says to me, "Will, maybe that's because you are a man."

That hit me like a ton of bricks.  The truth is obvious.  But, the deeper truth rang in my ear.  You see, I am a man.  But, I don't always feel like I live up to the social stereotype our society has set for us.  I don't hunt, go muddin', or like to lift weights.  I do like sports but I also have a Pinterest (I pin things for children's ministry so shut it).  I struggled for a long time in my life feeling like I wasn't man enough for everyone around me.  The Will of 2008 (back in Higher Learning) maybe had 2 good male friends and one of them was married to my sister.  The Will of 2012 can name off a whole bunch of guys that I have built community with and broken bread with and now call brothers in Christ that have through action and deed taught me I am a real man.  I want the things God has created men to want.  You were right Daniel, I am a man.  Thanks, brother.

We all know those awesome women's speakers out there or authors.  There is Beth Moore (who I often refer to on a first name basis as Beth), Elisabeth Elliot, Jen Hatmaker, Ann Voskamp, Priscilla Shier, just to name a few.  The question I kind of want to beg is, "Where are all the men?"  In boredom I often read blogs and it isn't often I find one about a man just sharing life with fellow believers.  It is all women.  Sharing life, sharing advice, getting real.  I am not saying there aren't books pertaining to men out there.  There are.  There are some good ones too (I am reading Wild at Heart right now and it is fantastic), but you see that's not the point of this post.  Not really.  And there are men that write books and speak (duh).  Matt Chandler, David Platt, Francis Chan, oh I can name hundreds of more....but again not my point.  You see those women I mentioned up there what they write isn't so much a call for some prescribed set of values for women.  No, ya'll they preach the Word of God (I go to a CBF seminary its ok for me to use women and preach in the same sentence).  That isn't the point either.  The point is Beth for example preaches the Word and builds community for women around that Word.  Its deep.  It isn't face value - it is intense, life-giving and it is the breathe of God.

You see men need to study the Bible together more.  They need to build community.  The men's conferences are all about how to be a good husband, how to be a good Father, etc.  What if men just studied the Word together wouldn't that show us all those things?  What if there were men's Bible studies at church studying something like Beth Moore (or even Beth y'all I told you she brings the Word).  You see, there isn't that for men.  There is just here is the Word study it on your own time and listen to it preached, but don't get deeper.  And there in lies the problem.  Men need to dive into and devour the Bible in community.  That's what those ladies above do.  I am reading (I read a lot of books at the same time don't judge I am in grad school) Jen Hatmaker's 7, a book about giving up excess in life.  Jen is a fantastic women's speaker, but she didn't just write this book for women.  It is truth for all Christians it isn't just women that should limit excess in their lives its all Christians.  What I'm saying is I hope you've gotten it, men study the word together (that's an imperative sentence).

There is a story in Jen's book about a conference she led in Oklahoma.  She was speaking on giving up  things and giving to the poor.  What do the women do as a response?  They begin to come leave offerings at the altar to take to these poor and homeless women Jen speaks of.  These were good church ladies dressed in their best.  They left purses, iPhones (not my iPhone I can't handle it), coats.  Thousands of dollars worth of stuff.  They responded not to a call to be good wives, mothers and friends.  They responded to a call to be good Christians...as women. Together. In community (and I wonder what their husbands said when they got home without that new iPhone 4S).

When's the last time you heard of a group of men doing that? Responding to the Word of God.  As men. Together. When?  Orphans and homeless people are for women to take care of.  That takes nurturing and love.  You know, motherly instincts us guys don't have.  No friends, that is the Word and Breathe of the Lord Jesus Christ being put into action.  (I actually had a guy tell me this week he'd never met a guy enrolled in the MDiv/MSW program at Baylor.  Guys aren't often social workers caring for "the least of these.")

We call that Breathe the Gospel.  The good news.  The saving power of the Savior told in Genesis through Revelation.  God told us all to do what's in his Word.  And frankly, women are baring the weight of it all.  Who prays in your church?  The women.  Who leads missions efforts in church?  Women.  Who teaches children?  Probably mostly women.  Now there is nothing wrong with women doing all that, they should be doing all that.  They are responding to God's call they received while living and worshipping in community.  Men, go respond with them.  As a children's pastor I would have killed for more men to be like Mr. Jack.  A man who taught Sunday school, led Awana games, planned father-son camp outs.  Because Jack Wolf loved the Lord and responded to his call as a man, yes.  But, he responded to God's call as a Christian more.  Go be like Jack as he tries to be like Jesus.   

Oh, Hey Seminary

Well, here I am three weeks into a four year graduate program (Lord, y'all, Lord).  I can honestly say I love school.  In every aspect.  I can also honestly say, its been rough.  Not the school part, I had rockstar professors in undergrad that totally prepared me for this place.  I mean, its a lot of work...but work I am totally capable of doing.  You know if you read my blog how excited I was about two things all last semester camp and seminary.  Elated might be a more accurate picture.  But, three weeks ago when I moved here I wanted to be anywhere else but here.

But let me tell you how I miss the familiar.  I miss WBC.  I miss the chimes of Addie Mae.  I miss chats in Grace's office, talks on Jon's futon, play practice, First Baptist Church, hugs from precious kids, cooking with Hannah and Saturdays with the Anderson's (ok, every night of my life with them).  I miss all that.  I miss being comfortable.

I miss camp.  I miss ten hugs from Caleb everyday.  I miss doing grids with Ellie and bank runs.  I miss Daniel preaching the Word, pro with Evan and Hannah, talking to Alli about relationships (you know that boy she likes), I miss hard work.  I miss 6:30 rec row and late nights counting money.  I miss store inventory.  I miss leading children to Christ.  I miss seeing my friends do the same.  I miss late nights and early mornings.  I miss familiar.  I miss hard work yes, but I miss comfortable.

And here I am without all those people, with really no people.  I am meeting people slowly.  But its not like I live in a dorm.  I am not the RA anymore.  I miss community.  Community is good right, its a 21st century Christian buzz word.  And then it hit me....Can you worship community?

Well, duh.  Community I have discovered has been my collegiate idol.  I knew that but it really sank in this week.  Time alone has been good for me.  It has meant reflection and dealing with sin, it has meant learning to be satisfied in God not other relationships.  It has meant learning the difference between emotion and reason (we'll talk more about this in another post).  God has taught me I need him.  Community is something he gives as a gift.  And are we called to live in it?  Yes.  But do we worship it? No.

So, saying all that Waco is warming up to me.  I have made threats to flee to Nashville or Kentucky or back home where people I love are, but I won't.  I will be right here where God has called me.  I will build community.  He will build community, that's more like it.  But, I won't worship it.

I am going to go do my new favorite past time, searching jobs on the internet.

Tell God's Story

I was reading today in 1 Samuel 4:7b-8: "Woe to us! For nothing like this has happened before.  Woe to us! Who can deliver us from the power of these might gods?  These are the gods who struck the Egyptians with every sort of plague in the wilderness."

The scene is the Israelites are marching into battle with the Philistines, they are losing BIG time.  When I say big time, I mean there are about 4,000 Israelite men who have died already.  So, they take the ark of the covenant out into battle and the Philistines say what is quoted above.  They have heard of the power of their God dating all the way back to the Exodus.  But, you know what?  They still win the battle?  Why?  Keep reading, "Take courage, and be men, O Philistines, lest you become slaves to the Hebrews as they have been to you be men and fight."  You see, I don't think the Israeli entourage was convincing.  Sure, they had heard the stories of the God of Israel, but the problem seems to be the people in the present day didn't have that story in them.  They weren't living out the the story of God and they weren't letting God weave his story into their own lives.  So, he was beginning to do it for them.

When I read that this morning, I was taken back to a conversation I had this week with a precious little boy.  He wanted to know if the things like the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego can happen today, why they don't happen today, and if they were even true.  I was sadden.  You see because in this child's day, we don't proclaim the story of God's work in the world.  We don't take the time to see the deliverance he gives us from the firey furnace.  We are all too self absorbed and selfish to God's miraculous hand working.  We don't tell God's story.

Every week at CentriKid we share the Gospel with children.  The good news about Jesus that starts with creation and weaves through the fall, and to Jesus' free gift of salvation.  The Gospel, is God's story.  But, you know what?  If we are proclaiming to people that the Gospel ends when you close your Bible we are doing to a great dis-service to the good news of salvation for all people.  Because the saving power of the gospel, the story of Jesus Christ should be expanded and lived out more and more every day in each one of ours lives.  Here are some faces to show you how God has been telling his story to me lately.  The gospel is:

Men who loves Jesus and pursue him each day.  Men who, challenge me to do the same thing every single day. 

Kids that smile.  Tell me you can't see the joy of the Lord on these precious faces?

Energy.  That can come only from the Lord, especially when you think you have absolutely nothing else left to give. 

OMC.  Need I say more?

Showing Christ love to kids who have never heard of it. 

Getting a little messy for Jesus when we need to. 

Being the leaders God has called us to be. 

Teaching spiritual truths through games.  

God raising us beautiful people to teach and serve the next generation and to show them the Lord. 

Learning to find our rest in the Lord. 

Finding God in the midst of chaos...even chaos back stage managing boys....with egos (or tight jeans which ever)

Kids giving sacrificially each week to missions. 

Those are just a few of the ways God has been showing me his story lately.  That is how he is using me to be part of his story.  How is he using you?  Go tell some people.  And if you want to hear more about how he has been using 20 twenty-somethings to spread his word this summer, continue to check back here.

I'm at Camp Y'all!

This has truly been the most rewarding, crazy, God-filled, challenging, and overall best time of my life. CK 7 as we often say has been through the valley.  We have been missing equipment, attacked by killer ants, arrived at a location at 4:30 in the morning the day we were suppose to start camp, had broken down Ryder trucks, lost power for over a week, and a host of other things.  However, God is shining bright and accomplishing great things through this beautiful summer.

For example, one week we had 70 reported salvations, another 30, and the whole summer has been that way.  Response time often starts before Daniel even prays and asks kids to come forward.  God is moving like crazy.  I had the awesome opportunity to lead three precious little boys to Christ last week. God has used our team to minister to children with Buddhist parents and broken homes.  Several weeks ago we had two little girls whose mom died while they were at camp.  They were able through their loss and joy in Christ to minister to so many kids and to us, the staffers of CK 7.

The devil doesn't like it either, y'all.  I know the devil is not omniscient, he is not omnipotent, and he is not omnipresent.  But, he is attacking my team.  I believe and have for a good while God is stirring and starting a revival in the generation of children rising up.  Though they live in a broken world, they have beautiful hearts that want to change the world they live in.  And Satan does not like it when 70 of 650 campers cross over from death to life in one week.  God's Spirit is moving in this generation and he is using my team to be catalysts to that movement.  God is strong.  He is big and he is making a big move.  I am honored to be a part of his work.

And on a side note, he is using me and so many broken people to do it.  Y'all CK 7 is not perfect.  We are a bunch of sinners.  Me being one of the worse.  If you are close to me, you know that the past two years of my life have been intense in spiritual struggle.  God has brought me so close to him this summer and I cannot wait to continue to run after him and I hope and pray I can do just that.

I sat last night manning the decision room watching my team bring child after child to have conversations with.  I was in tears as my friend Caleb led five little boys to Christ as they prayed and cried and rejoiced with each other.  I was in tears as I saw my friend AK lead a precious girl to Christ.  I was in tears as a group leader led my little buddies Brady and Hunter to Christ.  And I was in awe.  You see, I kind of expected the out pouring of God's spirit to maybe slow a little (that sounds horrible), but he as already used us so much this summer.  And I pray the Lord forgives me because he is still using my sinful broken team to bring to him new children and to guide them as they decide to truly believe in him.

Pray for us.  We have three weeks of camp left.  We are experiences some weariness, some tired spirits.  Ask that we find our rest in God (thanks Ellie) and that we deny ourselves daily and take up our cross and follow Jesus.  Not just in our words, but in our actions too.

Here are some of my favorites from this summer:

Caleb leads the Green Machine like a champ.

This is just Austin.  Don't let his face fool you, he has a great heart. 

You know we were just roommates.

Ladies and gentlemen, this lady is in charge. Be afraid.

Looking all pretty and sassy.

Worship outside with no power.

She's wearing her sunglasses, but does she know were they are right now?

We are kind of the dynamic duo.  Kind of meaning we are.  Be afraid.  But, not really. 

Pastor Daniel playing a little OMC. 

She's precious.

"Will, will you run up and down the hill five times?"  Yes, Ellie and Mary Chase I will.  But, really I would do anything for these girls.  Awesome leadership. 

O Squad.  Blessed to serve with these leaders.

Grids....its what I do. 

A little Fly in the Soup

I told you she was precious. 

I leave for camp...tomorrow.

Y'all I have been waiting for that for almost two years.  I am so pumped about returning to the camp world.  It is so exciting to live in community with other young adults, share the gospel with kids, build relationships, encourage the mess out of each other, and just plain do the Lord's work.  But, honestly I have been overwhelmed with not feeling ready.  I am not physically ready.  I will probably die the first week, because I am in the worse shape of my life (good thing Jesus beat death huh).  I don't feel emotionally ready.  Because, you see when I get back in August my whole life will have changed completely.  I will be away from my friends.  I'll be in a new place frantically searching for a job while starting a graduate degree.  I am overwhelmed majorly.  I don't feel spiritually ready.  I feel dry.  Used up.  After four weeks at home.  I haven't been pouring into anyone and no one has poured into me.  For four weeks.  I feel like I am in a hole.  But, it is my choice to crawl out.  Those are my apprehensions about all of this.  I can't just wait for someone else to be ready, I have to decide.  Because, my God....he can move the mountains.  He is might to save.  And y'all....I am ready to tell the world about him.  With his help.  I need it. Pray for me.

Home?

I have been living in my house, my home (you know that place I lived for eighteen years before I shipped myself off to college) for almost a month.  To be honest, it is weird.  My room...is not my room.  My stuff is huddled into a corner.  My camp trunk is packed waiting to go on a wild adventure in about fourish days.  Life is good.  No complaints.  A little antsy about post summer life and jobs and rent and bills and school and a new life.  Excited yes.  Nervous, perhaps a little.  Not to horribly bad though.  I love life.  I like mine.  I like where I am headed.  I like the outlook.  But, what exactly do I want out of this journey I am on?  Where do  I want to end up?  There are a million scenarios but let me tell you a few.

-  In one, I find a girl at seminary soon.  I marry her.  We fall in love.  We have seven children.  We move somewhere cool.  I have a cool job at a cool church, or some hipster social justice nonprofit, or placing African babies and poor American babies in homes of loving parents.  I live in.... Nashville, Colorado, maybe even Walnut Ridge and go to my favorite church and hang out with my favorite people.  Clinton.  Perhaps, let's be honest, I was always a big fan of C-Town, and its home, but I am not sure I have an exclusive relationship with it anymore.

- One I stay single until I am 30.  Travel the world, get a million degrees.  Run a cool non-profit or pastor a really awesome new church.  I live life, on my terms and well, God's as much as I can.  I'll try real hard...I hope.

- One I am destined to be alone.  Well, in the spousal category.  Which doesn't depress me. Sure, I want a brood of children and someone to love and to be loved by.  But, if it doesn't happen....I'll still be content.  I will roam the world.  Defending the widow, the orphan, the poor, and the sojourner.  Maybe I'll work for the U.N. or the president.  Who knows really.

They say you can't go home again.  And the proverbial they, would be right.  But, ladies and gentleman...home is what you make it.  My house, my family, my life will never be the same as I left it four years ago or a month ago when I graduated from college.  They won't always be like they were....but home is what you make it and so is family.

Home is....
- When Momma cooks anything.
- Seeing my Nana
- Church
- High school memories.  Good and bad.
- Reading a book all day in my room.
- Lunch with Maggie and Kaysha.
- Sitting in that green chair that occupied my dorm room.
- Laying on my futon
- The upstairs at the Pucik home.
- Stephanie's kitchen.
- My FBC office.
- Sitting in the chair across from Janet's desk.
- Chilling on Jon's bed talking about life
- Williams walks
- The Library

Home is where you make it.  Home will be Waco, and home will still be Clinton.  Home will still be Walnut Ridge.  Home will still be were the people I love are.  Home will be in my heart not a location in my GPS.

Not to be clique but home...is where the heart is.

A Good Friend

I have been told a lot lately that I am a good friend.  I am loyal, dependable, and loving. I don't judge.  I pray for you.  And frankly, if we are close I would give my right arm for you.  In fact, one of my friends recently told me (as a compliment) that if my relationship with God was a good as it is with my friends than he knows that I am extremely close to God.  It made me tear up a little. I was really honored.  Because, you know what?  I am a good friend.  I am loyal, honest, pretty trustworthy, and I am a dang good listener.  But, this post isn't to tell you how great I am, it is the opposite, it is about confession.  Because, later that night, I was thinking about what this friend said and I thought, O crap.  O crap is right. I am a great friend to him.  I really am, but I think I am a better friend to other people than I am to God.  I know I am.  With God I am wishy washy.  I have public convictions, but I don't often translate them into private action.  Y'all I think I might be a hypocrite.  I have been reading Kyle Idleman's fantastic book, Not a Fan.  It is his chilling and truth filled work on how to be a follower of Christ, not just a fan of him.  To really believe in him, a belief that breeds action.  I have sold myself out into preaching a Christian life of suffering - but joy thorough contentment and then I let toxic thoughts and actions invade my life.

Now, my friends and my family are important.  I want to be good to them.  I want to be loyal and all that jazz.  But, ya'll Jesus says we are to hate our family.  Hate our friends.  In comparison to him there is no second.  He is first, and he is only.  He was the only one in the race because no one else qualified.  I am sorry I am a hypocrite.  Thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it.  But, all of you please help me be a better friend to the best friend I have ever had.  His name is Jesus.

I'm Going to Miss This....

Let's face it.  Williams Baptist College might just be the greatest place on earth.  There may be more love here in the middle of this rice field than I have ever seen or even dreamed of feeling.  I am going to miss it like crazy.  It is not many places that you meet friends that pray for you, pray with you, sing songs with you, laugh, cry, and act like idiots with you.  Ah, but I can't stay here forever.  I can't.  It just isn't possible.  But, in memoriam here are some things I am going to miss:

Theses guys are pretty great.  I love them a whole lot.  Who knew you could have that much personality at ten or eleven.  If I could pick out someone who has taught me the most in the past year it would probably be these kiddos.  They have so much passion.  Talk about from the overflow of the mouth the heart speaks...these guys and some other pretty great kiddos I know have the most amazing hearts I have ever seen.  I am going to miss them like crazy, but I am going to pray for them everyday because if anyone is going to change the world, it'll be them.  

Freshman year we wrote a letter to ourselves that asked a bunch of questions about the future and about now.  When it asked who my best friends were....I wrote these ladies.  Duh!  They are pretty great and I love them with everything I am.  I am going to miss seeing them on my trips home.  And most of all?  Well, Maggie the one with the big smile there in the middle...she's making me an uncle (again).  Uncle Will is going to not be happy about seeing that precious little girl growing inside of her....but you better tell me about her! And you best send pictures.

 Talk about seeing Christ in others?  Jesus shines so brightly through these fellas that you almost miss how darn good looking they are.  Gosh,  they have absolutely beautiful hearts.  They speak endless amounts of truth and love to me.  I don't know what I am going to do without them.  Well, thank God for modern technology, because I am not going to have to go too long without talking to them.  They are wonderful.  And will all be famous.  You will be reading there books.  I will get advanced copies....because well, I knew them when they were little people.  I love you, brothers.

Gosh, this guys is pretty great.  He is well, one of my very best friends.  I couldn't lie to him if I tried and you know what I wouldn't have to, because I can't think of anything I could do that would make him stop being my friend.  I may meet new friends in Waco....but we are skyping.  And you best answer your phone every once in a while.  

 Hannah Kate this cutie and her little bro Eli Carter are going to make me sad.  They are going to grow so much in the next few years.  I am going to miss a lot.  But they are phone talkers and there mommy better send me some pictures of them.

Oh my gosh I love these people.  They are freaking hilarious.  I love getting to be hilarious with them.  And I wouldn't be the Will you know, love, and may hate today if it weren't for them.  They are some kind of wonderful.  And whether I was Charlie Brown or a beat up or paralyzed man getting stepped on I will miss all of your faces and laughing at you and with you.



This girl is pretty special.  She is one of my favorite people in the world.  No matter what, I can talk to her.  She shows so much love to so many people.  She is passionate, she loves Jesus and shows it.  She is just simply precious and I also place that title best friend on her.  She's getting married this summer.  And she is going to be an awesome wife and minister.  Did I mention her husband to be is a soccer coach, rock that minivan, soccer mom.



Want to meet some really cool church ladies?  I know four of them that are awesome!  I seriously might have died of too much cafeteria food and might have had to sleep on the streets during breaks if it weren't for these ladies (and their families) and how well they've take care of me.  Notice also, Lori, Steph, and Chrissy are rockin some OMC shirts...best camp moms ever.  Hannah is going to follow soon!



These people are special because two of them gave me life.  Two of them lived in a house with me for eighteenish years and one of them married my sister (he is a saint :) )  I am going to miss them.  They are really the best family a guy could ask for.  They love me, I love them.  We are pretty good looking too if I might add.  I love you guys.

Keeping My Head Above Water

I am just keeping my head above water theses days.  Simply trying to to you know get the next thing on.  Things like singing in front of people, preaching a sermon on Sunday morning, and picking up my cap and gown haven't made me sad, nostalgic, or induced vomiting.  I am just doing what I know to do.  And what is that?  Certainly, to keep going.  To live for right now and do what's next when it happens.  WHO AM I?  I am not even incredibly sad at the moment to leave Williams.  I love here.  I am WBC's biggest fan.  I freaking love it.  It is just time for next.  It's not like I am losing friends.  I have great ones, they will still be great we will just not see each other every day (and some of them are getting married).  I need to get a meningitis vaccination.  Random, but I do.  I am very tired.  I just want to rest.  Then, 10 weeks of crazy awesomeness awaits.  Then, rent.  And a job, that I don't have yet.  And graduate school 120 hours of it.  And all that...it doesn't scare me.  It makes me incredibly happy to see what's next.

Grace blogged about girl stuff.  Go read it.  She's funny.
Jon didn't blog.  He needs to.
On the CK blog there are some fun games I am going to try out this week with my kiddos.
I have found all these hilarious blogs that all these moms write.  I need a witty and funny dad to write a blog about his family.  Maybe I'll do that someday.

I Sin Too

Yep.  In case you didn't know already....I am a sinner.  Like a class A sinner.  I pretty much suck at life a majority of the time.  I mess up.  The same junk over and over again....and you know what?  My God still loves me.  Even though a majority of the time my prayers are thrown up to him in desperation and times of need instead of daily and in the mundane.  I am self absorbed a majority of the time and even try to mold my relationships and friendships to gratify and please myself.  I am the most undisciplined person in the world.  I have had the idea to start working out and running....for four years.  Now I am fat and have love handles...good.  I read my Bible consistently for you know about a week sometimes two and then forget it exists for about three.  I am a major, major screw up.

Saying that, I was pretty ticked at Mr. Bobby Petrino.  He messed up big time.  You know the details.  He cheated, hired his mistress, gave her money, lied about it afterward.  Honestly, the man deserved to be fired.  But, I beg the question...who of us deserves the same fate?  Y'all I may not be shacking it up with some engaged chick, but I do some pretty awful things.  I was really convicted of that last night when my good friend Jon wrote a tweet about how he forgives Petrino and his sins are no worse than the one's he commits.  I'll be honest, Jon, if you are reading this....I thought come on, buddy the guy screwed up.  He deserved it.  I screw up though....what punishment do I deserve?

This is a cry for discipline and spiritual growth.  For accountability from friends.  For a return to the joy of my salvation.  I am sinking.  I am content with the sinking now....which is sad, but very soon I won't be.  I'll be in a bad place.  It will probably happen you know early June when I will be charged with teaching a gospel to children that I haven't been living out.

Saying that, I despise hypocrites. I hate them even.  Well, I guess I hate myself then.  Because I live lies everyday.

 Lord, forgive me.  Give me clean hands and discipline your child.

Amen.

Washed

A verse that has impacted my life so much in the last year came up in class today.  2 Corinthians 6:11: "And such were some of you, but you have been washed, you have been sanctified, you have been justified in the name of Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."  I get so caught up and enslaved to sin.  I get caught up in justifying my sin.  I get caught up in the struggle of what it means to do right and what it is to do wrong.  You see, this verse tells me that Christ is bigger than all that.  You see, 1 Corinthians 6 says that everything is permissible for us, but not everything is beneficial.  In other words, we can do whatever in theory because it has already been forgiven, but that is rubbish Paul says.  You see because we are different than that.  We don't want to be part of that slavery.  We are free.  We are not fornicators, homosexuals, or swindlers.....we are washed.  We are being washed.  So, a new desire should come into our hearts not to please or gratify self, but rather to please and gratify Christ.  

More later.

Four weeks.

And I graduate. 

7ish weeks and I will be at camp.

Time flies.

Today I Don't Know

I hate questions.  Well, let me rephrase that.  I hate questions I don't know the answer to.  Mostly, I hate questions I thought I knew the answer to, but then I see something that may change my mind.  I hate not being able to stick to my guns and live what I think is truth, when I don't always know what truth is.  Especially when those questions, the ones I don't know the answers to, eat at the very center of who I am.  They effect everything my relationship with God, my relationship with others, how I display God's love, EVERYTHING.  I know truth lies in God.  But, I am sacred.  I am scared of what the truth is.  Because essentially there are only two options and frankly I don't like either one of them.  AT ALL.  I am a know it all.  You know that.  I hate that about myself, but its true.  I like to pretend I have it all together.  But, you know I don't.  You really know I am a mess.  I asked God in my prayers at the beginning of this semester to change me, to grow me.  I realize now that's what he's trying to do.  I have to submit to that growth though.  I have submit to that change.  I have to allow that change to happen and foster an environment for that change.  Sometimes change brings challenges in the way I think and the method I use to make decisions, none of which are bad...if God is at the center of them.  That's where I'll start.

Team Reveal is in 2 Days

Oh my gosh.  If you are around me at all you know that I am super pumped about Sunday's CentriKid team reveal.  I can't contain it.  I talk about it all the time.  Someone told me the other day to quit tweeting about camp.  I can't, I am super excited, over joyed.  Don't get me wrong. I love life here at WBC I am going to be sad to leave it behind.  I just have an overwhelming feeling God is going to use this summer to radically change me and I need that so bad.  And I am prepping for that change now.  Also, this is different for me.  I sat camp out a year to be a children's minister.  To work on the front lines so to speak.  Which has been great.  I have loved every second.  But it has been TWO YEARS since I worked camp. TWO. I am over whelmed with excitement because it has been so long.  I was in tears last year during this event reading where all my friends were going to work.  I was in tears the week everyone was at Campbellsville. I made a regular part of day to look at new pictures from camp.  God told me though, I have you were I want you.  There are big things to do at this church.  And there were.  And we did big things.  But, I also knew I would be at camp again.  And Sunday I meet my new family.  I cannot wait.  ICW. I can't wait.  If you are reading this pray for all the office folks preparing for Sunday, the directors and ADs as they begin to lead their teams, the new staffers who are entering into the camp roller coaster for the first time, and pray for returning staffers as they become acquainted to a new team.  Pray the gospel will be central and that relationships will be central.  It will be and they will be.  They always are at camp.  No question.  Pray that they would be in everyday life as well.  Because you see, camp is not as much about what goes on with a bunch of third through sixth graders in Kentucky or Mississippi or Texas or Florida or Arkansas or even this year California and Ohio.  It is about what those third through sixth graders and adults and staffers for that matter take back to their lives.  Because often life change begins at camp, but it certainly cannot end there.  So, please, pray for that.

Last Week was Bleak

Last week was ehhhh....one of those weeks.  Let's start with Monday.  My Aunt Angela passed away a week ago yesterday.  She was quite possibly one of the coolest people I have ever known.  Her and my uncle met when he was in the Navy, in the Philippines because that is where she is from.  Legit already, right?  She was so much fun.  She liked to wrestle when we were little, now mind you, she was little too.  She stood at about 4 feet even.  She was an excellent cook - "fried lice" or rather fried rice was her specialty.  She may have been the first person I ever saw eat with chop sticks.  She let a rough life before she met my uncle.  The Philippines is not the best place to live especially in the 40's, 50's, and 60's.  She had six kids, two of which were basically taken from her and she didn't get to see again until they were adults.  But, with my Uncle Mike she got a new life in a new country and she was thankful and she lived a great one.  That was awesome to hear him say last night at visitation, "She lived a full life."  And she did.  Aunt Angela was always using the latest beauty treatments, and last night Daddy, Momma, Catie, Meggin, and I were all standing in front of the coffin looking at her (the make up on the hands thing has always creeped me out.  Don't put make up on my hands when I die) and I started laughing and just as soon as I did dad said she still has her eye brows.  And we all burst in to laughter right there.  You see, her eyebrows and eyeliner were tattooed on. Hilarious. Well, Aunt Angela is in her "rest in peace place" now.  I now she's in heaven having a good laugh and maybe even making some fried lice.

In other matters, I love people and I am a pretty good listener.  Well, I think I am.  But, I don't know how to not make people's problems become my own.  Does that make sense?  I am constantly worrying about people I care about.  My dad was crying on the phone last week and I was a nervous wreck the rest of the day.  Not that I need to stop letting people open up to me but how do I not let there issues become like whatever it is is happening to me?  Anyway, maybe I need therapy.  Well, I know, most of you are saying that's a given.

I blogged earlier this month about how easy and uneventful my semester has been.  Well, it has been and also I need to buckle down, because it is now piling up.  A Greek paper due in a week and a half.  Ethics stages that I haven't done, an Art Appreciation project next week.  Oh and someone tell me to suck it up and not fail my gen ed's. I have gen eds. Note to college students everywhere don't take 2 gen eds your senior year it will make you want to strangle a freshmen.

Catie Ward is smarter than me.  She made a 26 on her ACT the first time.  She is cool.  I am proud. Don't tell her.

This week....well, it started off with a minivacation, much needed to avoid inevitable burn out.  I feel refreshed and ready to kick some senior year butt.  I think I can do it. Sunday, though.  Sunday.  I am super excited about Sunday.  Yes, because I miss my kiddos like nobodies business.  But, also, I get to meet my family for the summer.  Team reveal y'all.  Pumped. Stoked.  And all those other cool words I am too lame to come up with.

Tonight I Had Fun with An Old Friend

"Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other is gold."

This is so true.  I got a chance to each lunch and go to a movie with Miss Maggie Pate today.  Maggie and I have been good friends since the eighth grade and when I say good friends I mean best.  She really gets me, I really get her.  What I love about our friendship is that there is no false motive, nothing to prove, no judgement.  We are who we are.  We talk about what we want to be and how we want to change, but we love each other despite our crappy stuff.

We have taken very different paths in life and I really think that is just fine.  However long it has been we just pick up and take off like old times.  I love it.  But, that should say a lot about friendship.  Maggie is a high school friend.  I have changed so much since then.  I am not near the same person I once was.  And neither is she.  But, we still are friends.  We still care about each other despite the change.

I have made friends in college.  The best kind.  I have changed since they got to know me.  I will change.  They will change.  But, you know what I have full confidence that in ten years I will still be able to call Jon Pucik on the phone and ask him to give me advice (if I can get him to answer), I might just occasionally watch old episodes of Boy Meets World with Patrick Galucki, I am going to need a good hug from Samuel Pucik in regular intervals, and I am sure Stephanie, Hannah, and I will keep up with Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice together as well.  You know why I know that?  Because people change, locations change, dynamics change, friendships change.  The love and the God that put them there to begin with doesn't.

So, I will go to camp this summer and meet new friends, I will go to Truett and meet life long confidants (and Lord willing, a significant other).  I will, I know it.  But, I will have a whole slew of friends back home, that I love and cherish and will still care for with all my heart.  Friends has a funny way of morphing into the word family.  I have my friend Maggie Jo to thank for that realization.

Today I am not Content

Listen y'all, I am not a content person.  I'm not.  I always want to be somewhere else doing the next best thing for me.  I guess it is probably because I grew up in a culture that is always pushing to see what you are going to do after high school, what college you are going to, when are you getting married, what are you doing after college, etc. etc.  I sit here in my office at FBC thinking, I have a ton of stuff I could be doing, but I just want to be at camp.  Sitting in class this morning, all I could think was, I just want to go back to bed and take a nap.  But isn't there something to be said about the fact that we need to be in the moment, we need to be content where we are.  There are things left to be done here at FBC.  There are things still to be done at Williams.  There are things to be done this summer and next year too, but they are not here yet.  If I am so excited about them why I am not preparing spiritually for them.  Why?

On another note, the getting in to seminary high from last week has most def worn off.  I got a very happy email from the camp office telling us March 4th is the day we find out what team we are going to be serving on this summer....PUMPED.  And yet, I digress and prove my point all the more.  This weekend, I have a DNOW.  I am not a big fan of teenagers, but shouldn't I be excited about investing in them? Tomorrow I can to perform in a children's play - shouldn't I be happy to be on stage?  I need some serious accountability to be happy just were I am (in a this is where I am suppose to be sort of thing).

I don't have anything else insightful to say.  I don't have a poem or a song (I am not cool like my friend Jon), I don't have a funny kid to write about (y'all should really check out the big momma blog), and I don't lead a church of millions of members or work at LifeWay.  But, I tried.

Yesterday I got into Seminary

It happened.  I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to get a letter declaring whether I got into grad school or not.  Yesterday my questions were answered and I will be attending George W. Truett Theological Seminary with a full tuition paid scholarship.  My first thought was elation.  I was so excited.  I called my mom, my dad, I ran to the "Holy Hallway" to tell my professors.  I was in awe.  My next feeling was how much I don't deserve this.  As I read the letter it told me how I was in a select company of people that will be receiving this award, etc etc.  How my academic record was good, etc. etc.  I struggle though because I am a horrible person.  We all are to some extent.  I am a dirty, rotten sinner with a lot of ugly in my life that for the most part I keep hidden inside of me.  I lust after things of the flesh, I neglect spending time in devotion with the creator of the universe, and I procrastinate on preparing to teach the Word time after time.  It hinges on the ridiculous in fact.  But, I was reminded yesterday that God is faithful and he has grace abounding.  He still trusts me and redeems me even though I fail him continually time after time.  He still loves me and provides amazing opportunities in my life after I screw up over and over again.

That being said, I would like to take some time to thank a couple of people who this scholarship could not have been possible without.

Momma and Daddy - I am what I am because of you.  The good I do and strive to do is because of the example you have always set for me.  I work hard, because you work hard.  I love Christ, because you have showed me the love of Christ.  I teach children and disciple them because you have taught me how to love children and disciple them.  I know we disagree, we argue, and we say things neither one of us mean, but I love you guys and even though I may be going even further away I will carrying on what you taught me.  You will always be there with me and I will always be there with you.

Billy Don - You have been the brother I have always wanted and prayed for.  You follow fast after the heart of God even through difficult circumstances.  You have been through so much physically and emotionally the last couple of years and I have never seen you loose your faith.  You are an awesome dad, husband, and brother and I am proud to call you just that my brother.

Meggin and Catie - Meg, thanks for dressing me for the first twelve years of my life.  Thank you for being a good big sister despite my hormonal teenage outbursts and smart aleck remarks.  Catie, thanks for being a good example to me even as your big brother.  For being a faithful friend, loving others, and sticking to what you know is right.

Drs. Gore, Foster, and Norvell - I can't even express the debt I owe you.  Your passion for Christ and his kingdom is tangible every time you step in front of a class to teach.  I have learned so much through your leadership and teaching and I know I prepared because of the excellent education I have received at your hands.

Sam and Josh - thanks for being mentors for me through my early college days.  Thank you for instilling a drive in me to work hard and push myself to my best.  I can point to so many things I have done the past couple of years and know the only reason I did them is because of your encouragement.

Jon, Sam, Pat, and Dan - You are five start friends.  I love you guys and the example you set for me.  I know we don't get to see each other as much as we used to, but I still pray for you guys and I love you more than I can express.  You challenge me, you inspire me, you encourage me, you humble me, you love me, and you give me a swift kick to the face when I need you to.  We are really more than just friends, you are my brothers.

First Baptist Church - That is a lump of so many individuals who have been patient with me the past year, who have cooked meals for me, let me stay at their house, hang out with their kids, and simply to get paid for doing what I love to do most in life.  It is with a heavy heart I move on to the next stage in my life, but I will continue to pray for you each day.

God has taught me patience through this whole process and faith in him often requires we wait on his timeline.  He is God and he can do anything he wants to do. Here's to the next three months and living life for him here while I still can.

That's all there is, there isn't any more.  

Today I am 22

General observances about my day:
- I miss my mommy on my birthday.  I haven't seen my family on my birthday in four years.  I was 18 the last time I did.  Weird.
- Facebook makes me feel loved and creeps me out or makes me feel bad because there were people that wrote on my wall today that I don't think I even knew.  The top posts go to my momma, Casey Turner (Charlie Brown), Laura Pucik's picture of a birthday hedge hog, and Rita calling me her "sweet baby boy" even at 22.  I am loved, very undeservedly.  But still loved.
- If I can't see my own family on my birthday, the next best thing was lunch with a good showing of the Pucik clan.  Legit people, no lie.
- Can I say I love camp?  How does this have anything to do with my birthday?  Well, getting happy birthdays from these wonderful people just reminds me of the relationships I made there and gets me sooo pumped to get my Game On this summer!
- FBC Walnut Ridge is wonderful.  I am going to miss these people.  I can't say anymore than that or I might cry.
- It is weird that I have no idea where I will be this time next year.  Not for sure anyway.  I can only wonder how I will change and grow. I am actually beyond excited about the whole thing.  I really am. Not scared pumped to do whatever and go where ever God leads.
- Lastly, the best birthday experience was talking to my Nana.  We found out a little while back that she has lung cancer.  My Nana is not old. Well, she is in her seventies but I have never ever thought of her as being an old lady.  She is a hard worker and she cooks constantly.  She love Dillards and gets her hair cut by some man that charges an arm and a leg in Little Rock.  It was a weird experience for me to take in.  But, I miss her and haven't talked to her since I found out until today.  She is losing her hair, but is armed with wigs, hats, scarves, and apparently a dew rag.  Get it Nana, get it.

Productive

I was productive today.  I was.  I am not being right now.  I have one more verse of my Greek to do and I can't find the motivation.  Bummer.  But, I digress.  Anyway, I went to class, I ran, I got my driver's license renewed, ordered a new debit card, pick up some necessities at the DG (like TP), went to play practice, ate and did Greek, played basketball, Collided it up, had some McD's, and now I sit here soaking it all in.  I like being busy and feeling accomplished, but I have really been fighting a lazy spirit lately.  And when I am lazy.....I sin.  It's just how it works.  It really is.  So, I am going to learn to have productive days all the time.  It has to happen.

In other news, I love people.  I really do.  I don't think I do sometimes, but I do.  A lot.  There are some great people here in this cornfield or rice, or whatever the heck it is and I love them even the ones I don't really know.  Today, I kind of like the human race.  We will see how I feel tomorrow.

That was boring, yet I think beneficial.  Ok 1 Thess. 2:16 I must parse you, translate you, and thus own you.  Nobody ever said that I wasn't a nerd.

Today

I can't really explain the mood or feeling I have been in the past couple of weeks.  I really am at a weird place.  I have described it as a cross roads, or a limbo type feeling.  I have thirteen weeks left of my college career as of today.  That is a lot of time.  It isn't a lot of time in the same regard.  I am moving on, I don't know where for sure yet (if the nice people from the seminary I applied to would like to send me a letter back, that'd be great), but nevertheless my life is going to be different.  My life looks so different than the people I am closest to all around me.  You might say it should and I would agree.  We are all different and God has a specific and different plan for each one of our lives.  Most of my close friends are either married, engaged, or will be engaged soon.  Most of them in fact are staying in Walnut Ridge, whether they are getting married, staying for a job, or aren't graduating yet.  When people try and convince me I should stay, I'll admit the thought is tempting.  I love these people.  My friends from school are class A, I have a great church family, and I don't use that word family lightly - they are just that.  I love my job.  I want to be a children's minister when I grow up and that is exactly what I am doing right now.  I know though, God has another plan (as far as I can tell).  I have more to learn and to experience elsewhere.  I am trying to have faith, which has been a struggle lately.  I am trying to - well, if I were completely honest I am not trying as hard as I could be.  This last semester is easy and so I am bridging on being just plain lazy.  I hate it.  My prayer has been that God would change me and prepare me for the next chapter in my life.  I have to look to his word and talk to him to allow him to do that.  I am really looking forward to camp this summer.  That is why I would hurry this semester along, but I somehow think I believe I will come right back to Williams Baptist College and start another year.  That is not going to happen.  It is going to be new and unexpected.  And frankly I am beyond excited, and still a little nervous.  I am a walking paradox.  Pray for me.

2 Days Later

So, I have been back "home" (home is a relative term when you are an almost 22 year old college student, you see I am at my temporary home, The Anderson's, in Walnut Ridge so I can go to church and stuff while the dorm is closed not my actual home I was reared in and stuff, but I digress) for two days and I really cannot stop thinking about what I learned and what I experienced at Passion.  It was my prayer the entire week not to let the fire burn out when I got home, and though I neglected by YouVersion reading plan until 3:30 this morning (and I learned the current plan gives you free reign on weekends so I am kind of happy about that) I am excited to see what God is going to do and I am racking my brain with how things can be done now.  How do I a last semester senior in college living in Walnut Ridge, AR begin to free 27 million slaves.  I don't know but I do know that I am not going to sit on my butt and just let something that seemingly doesn't effect me, that is actually a malicious injustice rage on in the world.

There is this thing called school that starts back Tuesday.  And this was really the last day I got to sleep in and I did pretty hardcore.  Like 11:30ish don't tell my mom.  That is the best thing about the Anderson house weekend means weekend and this is Will approved. School is going be easier this semester (or so I pray).  I don't know I am kind of ambivalent toward the whole last semester of college thing.  Mostly, I don't even think about it.  I mean I really don't want to think about not having the best people in the world to share life with on a daily basis, or leaving the church I have grown to love with basically the best kids and parents on the planet.  It is not that I don't want to go to grad school I do I just wish they would tell me if I got in and all that wonderful stuff.

I am looking forward to this summer like nobodies business.  I am not really thinking about what I have to leave behind for the sake of camp, but sometimes that happens when you feel calling toward something.  I cannot express words that describe how pumped I am about it.  The last time I worked camp I was nervous and didn't know what to expect now I am just ready to jump in and share Jesus with some kids (not that I don't have the opportunity to that all the time anyway).  Bascially, I am more excited about camp than I am about graduation, but I have been assured by a certified camp professional this is "totes normal."

So, I guess on my list this semester is building relationships, spreading the gospel, figuring out how to not be fat anymore, not falling asleep in Art Appreciation, helping to end slavery, motivating myself to wake up at 7:00 in the morning, not being a horrible friend, eating good food, and trying not to cry too much.  Hard life, let me tell you.

Passion 2012

I just got back from literally one of the most amazing and life changing experiences of my life.  I wanted to share what I learned and decided that the most effective way to do that would be to simply pull quotes from my notes for each speaker and just give a glimpse of the awesome teaching from the word of God.  If you don't already know this God is working in this generation of college students and we are going to change the world.  I am and a lot of you are not just going to be a part of the change you are part of the change right now in this very moment.  Freedom begins now.

Louie Giglio Night 1:
Speaking on Luke 7:11-17
- "Jesus wants our lives to be interrupted at this very moment."
- "Jesus wasn't worried about what he was supposed to do, he knows what he came to do."
- "In its core the Gospel is raising people from the dead."
- "What the law is powerless to do, what religious leaders wouldn't do...Jesus does and so can we."
- "This story doesn't end with the son being alive, it ends with the story of Jesus being spread across the country."
- "The Gospel is about who you are trusting in your life right now, not a decision you made when you were nine or ten."

Beth Moore Morning Session Day 2:
Speaking on Luke 8:43-48
- "Sometimes we think an infinite God has a finite attention span."
- "You are incapable of being unnoticed and ignored by God."
- "The story looses its power if it looses its discomfort."
- "Our greatest need for healing is somewhere so private, we hide the area that needs the most healing."
- "We are afraid of what these secrets will do to us socially."
- "We are called to be clean in an unclean world."
- "Instead of the woman with the issue of blood making him unclean, he made her clean. He came so he could be touchable, not just reachable."
- "As long as you feel unclean, you aren't going to let Jesus do anything. If you hang your head toward him, your hear will not be free."
- There is a cycle of defeat, believing I am the old broken person, being brought back to the pit. Awareness is important, because defeat happens when we forget.
- "We can never explain the complexities of Jesus, because something that can be explained can be mastered."
- "To say that we've been healed is to say we've been unclean.... Your faith has made you well.... Grab on for dear life and be made whole."

Christine Cain Day 2 Second Session:
- "As you sent me, I sent them." - Jesus
- "If you take away a name and make a statistic, it is easy not to think that a number has a name."
- "Jesus interrupts mundane moments to speak and change our lives."
- "The only thing Jesus went to the cross for was people."
- "Compassion is never compassion unless you cross the street and do something now."
- "The Levite and the Priest (in the story of the Good Samaritan) weren't bad people, they were busy people. They missed the object of their ministry."
- "Compassion isn't compassion until you are willing to be interrupted."
- "We who have been rescued have a responsibility to rescue others."
- "One million is just a statistic until you meet one person."
- "What is so important in our temporal world that would take us away from the eternal?"
- "Light works most effectively in the darkness."

Francis Chan Day 2 Night Session:
- "We are allowed to read the Word, there is power in that!"
- "Pay attention to people's doctrines, but also look at their lives."
- "Be careful of your own heart, because we fight for our own desires while reading scripture.  We aren't fighting for truth, we are justifying what we want."
"The solution to human trafficking is making disciples."

Panel Discussion Day 3:
Isaiah 58:6
- Prevention - Intervention - Restoration - Education
- "If we don't talk about demand (in response to slavery) there will continue to be a need for a supply."
- Enthusiasm does not equal accomplishment

John Piper Day 3 Night Session:
- "Do everything to make him look great."
- "All human beings are created to put God's infinite value on display."
- "Seeing and savoring the supremacy of Jesus Christ frees you from the slavery of sin."
- "God didn't create the world to be glorified invisibly."
- "Fruit glorifies privately, works glorify publicly."
- "Receiving and believing Jesus are the same."
- "Freedom is being so involved with Christ you do exactly what you want to do exactly what you want to do and it accords with his will."
- " Big hearts give little lust lusts little power. Little hearts give little lusts big power."
I did agree with a lot of what Piper said, but I did think he needed to clarify his points just a little further.

Last Session Louie Giglio:
- "You are in a system that is setting you up for a not yet arrived at generation."
- "Your person and mission in life begins the day Christ takes hold of your life."
- "Brokenness is the bow from which God launches the arrows of freedom."
- "God's not concerned about what you are doing, He said whatever your doing do it for Jesus."
- "Boldly doesn't all the time mean loudly."

This conference was seriously one of the best experiences of my life.  I loved it and I hope someone, anyone can gain something from my notes.