Ambiguity

I have grown up hearing a lot of things are wrong.  You shouldn't do them and Jesus doesn't like them.  I am not going to list them here because that is not what this post is about.  It is about the fact that I think so badly of people who are closed minded and believe tradition almost more than they believe the Word and yet I do the same thing.  I can't reconcile why.  I mean and even reading certain scripture and thinking it means one particular thing I have been taught and not ever looking at in depth just to make sure.  Because there is nothing wrong with making sure.  Nothing at all.  And I am afraid that so many people worry, including myself, that if we question something we are sinning.  God wants us to seek out truth.  And sometimes we are confused about what truth is.  Sometimes truth isn't as absolute as we think it is, or more correctly isn't the absolute we thought it was.  And you know what in the end we might find out that we still believe what we have believed all along.  And that is fine, but at least we believe because we were led by the Spirit rather than letting tradition and our raising make us that way.  It happens.  I hope this made since, and I hope no one finds me a heretic. Thanks for listening.

Christ, Be the center of my life.

I just spent the last three days with some amazing people at the Williams Baptist College Ministry Team Leadership Retreat.  Now, this is going to be my third year to serve on the team and I know the ropes you could say.  This year is different in a lot of ways thought.  First of all, we have a new leader.  His name is still Josh, but he is a new Josh.  There was not a time in the last three days that I didn't think, "Wow God has really provided with sending us an awesome leader!"  He connects so well with us and has a passion for doing ministry alongside of all of us.  I am beyond excited.  This team is also different because I am not best friends with all of them.  Not that I don't like them, but every other team I have been on has been full of my closest friends in the world.  This one still has a number of those, but a lot of new people I don't know as well.  This also turned out to be awesome!  I loved it! I am excited to serve with so many passionate and God-seeking people.

So here is the point....I have had a extremely lazy summer.  Now, I have been busy with work, but in personal reflection, time with God, and general discipline I have sucked it up.  But, the truth is I haven't been around people like that to share and engage in life with.  Sure, I have a great church family, but they don't really know me for who I am.  I am a minister at their church.  I know their stories inside and out.  I know how they got pregnant at 16, lost a baby in the eight month, left a legalistic culture, went through the divorce of their parents, etc.  But, do they know my life and do I share it with them?  I lacked a lot of motivation this summer because I fear I was extremely superficial.  This week I felt like I had nothing to hold back really.  I could worship freely, be myself (mostly) and not feel like I had to up hold an agenda or an image.  I need to feel the family and community I get every time I spend time with people from Williams.  I need to be able to sit up til 4 in the morning talking to my best friend in the world about how screwed up we both are.  I need to be able to do that.  With them and with other people.  Williams is not the church.  If it were I don't think I could ever leave it.  But, the church and myself could learn a lot about community and family and life from good ole, WBC.  So, my first confession and goal is to be more real.

Then there is the whole thing about Jesus.  You know him.  Though I wasn't sharing my life with my friends as much this summer I wasn't allowing Him to take over my life either.  You know, friends are great and I have some really great ones, but if I go to Grace with a problem before I ever talk to God about it there is an issue.  If I am more transparent with Jon about my sin than I am with God who am I kidding.  If I am more happy and excited to spend time with Sam and Jill than to spend time with my Savior, I am making idols.  If I care more about seeing how Patrick is doing than actually praying for him I have missed the point.  And lastly, if I talk to Stephanie, Lori, Chrissy, Jake, and Mark more about church than I do praying for the church to the God who is suppose to be at the center of it, why am I wasting my breathe.

Now, don't get me wrong all of those things are important.  Transparency and friendship are wonderful things.  But, like anything else I can never let them replace the God I am supposed to be serving.

"O Christ, be the center of our lives.
Be the place we fix our eyes.
Be the center of our lives."

Summer, Where Did You Go? AND Were you you Productive?

As I sit here resting after a very productive day I can't help but think to myself were this kind of productivity has been all summer.  I had a list of books I wanted to read, Greek homework to do, intense praying to do about my future, and a battle to wage against sin and junk I had been letting consume my life.  Then again, I know I did things this summer. I was pretty busy.  I hope I impacted some kids and God used me to at least spark some interest in him in some kids.  I have realized I love my church.  And honestly I didn't think I would, at least not as much as I do initially.  But, I know there was a lot of other stuff that got pulled to the wayside.  This is my last year in college.  A time in my life that has changed me to my core.  The people I have met, experiences I have had, and the tears I've cried will change me forever, but they aren't over.  And to make a better future after I leave I have to enjoy the time I have left and be extremely productive in it.  So, 2011-2012 school year, here is to good memories, great friends, and lots of productivity.