I leave for camp...tomorrow.

Y'all I have been waiting for that for almost two years.  I am so pumped about returning to the camp world.  It is so exciting to live in community with other young adults, share the gospel with kids, build relationships, encourage the mess out of each other, and just plain do the Lord's work.  But, honestly I have been overwhelmed with not feeling ready.  I am not physically ready.  I will probably die the first week, because I am in the worse shape of my life (good thing Jesus beat death huh).  I don't feel emotionally ready.  Because, you see when I get back in August my whole life will have changed completely.  I will be away from my friends.  I'll be in a new place frantically searching for a job while starting a graduate degree.  I am overwhelmed majorly.  I don't feel spiritually ready.  I feel dry.  Used up.  After four weeks at home.  I haven't been pouring into anyone and no one has poured into me.  For four weeks.  I feel like I am in a hole.  But, it is my choice to crawl out.  Those are my apprehensions about all of this.  I can't just wait for someone else to be ready, I have to decide.  Because, my God....he can move the mountains.  He is might to save.  And y'all....I am ready to tell the world about him.  With his help.  I need it. Pray for me.

Home?

I have been living in my house, my home (you know that place I lived for eighteen years before I shipped myself off to college) for almost a month.  To be honest, it is weird.  My room...is not my room.  My stuff is huddled into a corner.  My camp trunk is packed waiting to go on a wild adventure in about fourish days.  Life is good.  No complaints.  A little antsy about post summer life and jobs and rent and bills and school and a new life.  Excited yes.  Nervous, perhaps a little.  Not to horribly bad though.  I love life.  I like mine.  I like where I am headed.  I like the outlook.  But, what exactly do I want out of this journey I am on?  Where do  I want to end up?  There are a million scenarios but let me tell you a few.

-  In one, I find a girl at seminary soon.  I marry her.  We fall in love.  We have seven children.  We move somewhere cool.  I have a cool job at a cool church, or some hipster social justice nonprofit, or placing African babies and poor American babies in homes of loving parents.  I live in.... Nashville, Colorado, maybe even Walnut Ridge and go to my favorite church and hang out with my favorite people.  Clinton.  Perhaps, let's be honest, I was always a big fan of C-Town, and its home, but I am not sure I have an exclusive relationship with it anymore.

- One I stay single until I am 30.  Travel the world, get a million degrees.  Run a cool non-profit or pastor a really awesome new church.  I live life, on my terms and well, God's as much as I can.  I'll try real hard...I hope.

- One I am destined to be alone.  Well, in the spousal category.  Which doesn't depress me. Sure, I want a brood of children and someone to love and to be loved by.  But, if it doesn't happen....I'll still be content.  I will roam the world.  Defending the widow, the orphan, the poor, and the sojourner.  Maybe I'll work for the U.N. or the president.  Who knows really.

They say you can't go home again.  And the proverbial they, would be right.  But, ladies and gentleman...home is what you make it.  My house, my family, my life will never be the same as I left it four years ago or a month ago when I graduated from college.  They won't always be like they were....but home is what you make it and so is family.

Home is....
- When Momma cooks anything.
- Seeing my Nana
- Church
- High school memories.  Good and bad.
- Reading a book all day in my room.
- Lunch with Maggie and Kaysha.
- Sitting in that green chair that occupied my dorm room.
- Laying on my futon
- The upstairs at the Pucik home.
- Stephanie's kitchen.
- My FBC office.
- Sitting in the chair across from Janet's desk.
- Chilling on Jon's bed talking about life
- Williams walks
- The Library

Home is where you make it.  Home will be Waco, and home will still be Clinton.  Home will still be Walnut Ridge.  Home will still be were the people I love are.  Home will be in my heart not a location in my GPS.

Not to be clique but home...is where the heart is.

A Good Friend

I have been told a lot lately that I am a good friend.  I am loyal, dependable, and loving. I don't judge.  I pray for you.  And frankly, if we are close I would give my right arm for you.  In fact, one of my friends recently told me (as a compliment) that if my relationship with God was a good as it is with my friends than he knows that I am extremely close to God.  It made me tear up a little. I was really honored.  Because, you know what?  I am a good friend.  I am loyal, honest, pretty trustworthy, and I am a dang good listener.  But, this post isn't to tell you how great I am, it is the opposite, it is about confession.  Because, later that night, I was thinking about what this friend said and I thought, O crap.  O crap is right. I am a great friend to him.  I really am, but I think I am a better friend to other people than I am to God.  I know I am.  With God I am wishy washy.  I have public convictions, but I don't often translate them into private action.  Y'all I think I might be a hypocrite.  I have been reading Kyle Idleman's fantastic book, Not a Fan.  It is his chilling and truth filled work on how to be a follower of Christ, not just a fan of him.  To really believe in him, a belief that breeds action.  I have sold myself out into preaching a Christian life of suffering - but joy thorough contentment and then I let toxic thoughts and actions invade my life.

Now, my friends and my family are important.  I want to be good to them.  I want to be loyal and all that jazz.  But, ya'll Jesus says we are to hate our family.  Hate our friends.  In comparison to him there is no second.  He is first, and he is only.  He was the only one in the race because no one else qualified.  I am sorry I am a hypocrite.  Thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it.  But, all of you please help me be a better friend to the best friend I have ever had.  His name is Jesus.