Fariness?

I have been in one of those life is not fair moods the fast few days. You know what I am talking about we all get in them. Sometimes I think no one else understands, or much less cares what I am going through (I know this isn't true FYI). Despite that I continue to hold the irrational belief that it is me against the world, me against my struggles, me against my sorrows. I am reminded of a story one of my team mates told this summer during staff meeting. We had sang "Prepare the Way" that night for the invitation. The chorus of that songs simply repeats "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..." over and over again. The girl came down front to talk to Allyson (I think this is Allyson's story) and told her she had always wondered what this whole heaven and God thing was all about and that night while singing that song it came to her. Jesus. It is all about Jesus. Not to sound all Casting Crowns on you, but "Its all because of Jesus I am alive." I get so caught up in me and my wants and desires and things I think will make me feel better. This is ludicrous, I know. I want to see Christ for who he is, or do I? I want to want to see Christ for who he is. Then perhaps I will realize nothing else or not my so called present suffering will matter. I wise friend told me yesterday God gives us struggles so we can develop more faith. He is a smart kid (I would like to take a moment to say I don't deserve my friends, but I thank God I have them). It reminded me of James 1:2 where it says, "Consider it pure joy my brethren whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Perseverance is something I am learning. Sticking it out. God has a better plan for me. I know that. I can clearly see that. I just need to live like it.

I am Being Changed

  When I worked at CentriKid Camps this summer the Bible Study lesson each Wednesday was titled, "I am Being Changed." We got to teach kids about the life of Peter and look at the many different things that develop and grow in him through out the biblical text. Peter began to follow Christ as a lowly fishermen and on the Day of Pentecost 3,000 men accepted Christ. God is in the business of changing people.
   Paul writes about this in 2 Corinthians 5:17, when he says, "if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation."  We are a new creation how beautiful is that. Christ takes us and completely changes us. He makes what is not holy and makes it holy. Christ continues to change us throughout our Christian walk. It is beautiful. I have to ask the question, however, why I continue to commit the same sins over and over again. I struggle and continue to struggle with things that I have for a very long time. Why do I continue to let myself go down the path I know leads to destruction. Well part of it is because my flesh still exists, but I have to realize that Christ in my life supersedes that fleshly, carnal desire. The Bible is so keen on reminding us of this. It lists in places like Galatians 5:16-24, Colossians 3:1-15, and 1 Peter 2:4-10 the things we once were, the sins we were bound by. Each and every time we are reminded as Christians that is no longer what we are. I think Peter himself puts it very beautifully when he writes, "But you are a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praise of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."
    I am human. I sin. I mess up. That's not ok. Sin deserves death. If I got what I really deserved I would be condemned forever to spend an eternity in hell. God had grace on me. He forgave me. So, I really need to start acting like it. He is changing me and showing me so many things I need to fix it is overwhelming.
   It all started this summer when God began to show me how much I depend on myself. I can't do it. I cannot accomplish anything apart from God. Will Ward could not have been a CentriKid staffer, Jesus Christ living in Will Ward made it possible. As the summer drew to a close God slapped me in the face and forced me to change even more. I finally got some courage and confessed my sin to friends. The discipline of confession is a hard one. I told them some things I struggle with and it was hard but I will never be the same. I had never done that before. I had always just kept it in, which made it not real. God continued to change me when he taught me I don't know everything. I stared dating a girl in October. I thought I had the whole thing under control and knew what I was doing. God showed me I didn't.
  I guess what I am rambling on about is I am changing. It is painful. I don't like it, but I am getting over it. Christ is showing me that in every aspect of my life He has control. He is in charge in my triumphs and my defeats. He is still my God when I stumble, because He is right there to pick me back up. I am not always right. I am learning I very seldom am. Christ is in charge and I am glad he is. He made me a new creation and he is molding me to be more like him each and every day.