Today I Don't Know

I hate questions.  Well, let me rephrase that.  I hate questions I don't know the answer to.  Mostly, I hate questions I thought I knew the answer to, but then I see something that may change my mind.  I hate not being able to stick to my guns and live what I think is truth, when I don't always know what truth is.  Especially when those questions, the ones I don't know the answers to, eat at the very center of who I am.  They effect everything my relationship with God, my relationship with others, how I display God's love, EVERYTHING.  I know truth lies in God.  But, I am sacred.  I am scared of what the truth is.  Because essentially there are only two options and frankly I don't like either one of them.  AT ALL.  I am a know it all.  You know that.  I hate that about myself, but its true.  I like to pretend I have it all together.  But, you know I don't.  You really know I am a mess.  I asked God in my prayers at the beginning of this semester to change me, to grow me.  I realize now that's what he's trying to do.  I have to submit to that growth though.  I have submit to that change.  I have to allow that change to happen and foster an environment for that change.  Sometimes change brings challenges in the way I think and the method I use to make decisions, none of which are bad...if God is at the center of them.  That's where I'll start.