Bucket List - Check Up and Additions

1. Go to a concert - not check yet, but in progress. I am going to see the Civil Wars in Germantown in January with some great friends, the best kind.

2. Be a mentor - yes and no.  I have sought out to do this intentionally a couple of times, but not really succeeded.  I have realized though there are some kids right under my nose at church that I am going to invest in hardcore in the next couple of months...these boys have awesome hearts and I can't wait to help them to become more mature followers of Christ.

3. Find a mentor.  Fail. Epically.  I know it wouldn't be hard if I would just go do it, but opening myself up to someone older and wiser scares me.  I have no problem telling my friends about what a screw up I am, but a real life adult is a different story.  I know God is leading me to do this through prayer and scripture reading so if I don't it will just be disobedience.  So, here is to sucking it up and going for it.

4. Read.  I have read some pretty great books for school and I am working on some on my new Kindle Touch! I am pumped about this thing!  Three must reads from school last semester - Made To Stick, The Ragamuffin Gospel, and The Next Christians....great books!

5. Again, take more pictures is an epic fail.  Commitment starts now though, for sure. I promise.

6. Preach! Yes, I get opportunity at Collide and at church which has been a huge blessing.  Taking more time to prepare and fine tune my sermons is my new goal, which I am going to have to fight myself on, but here it goes!

7. Go to Moni's more. Well, my phone autocorrected something I typed in to Moni's the other day, but I do want to have more fun with my friends this last go round.  Fun, that's what this one represents - school is school and I will get it done, but I need to focus on having a good time with my family I have created in the past three and a half years.

8. and 9. Run and work out.  Fail, but I have already made a commitment and scheduled time for next semester, I think I might actually succeed this time.

10. Budget.  I have a good start to my savings, not great, but I am making a plan to add to it this semester, for sure.

11. Watch more movies.  I have seen a couple of new ones this year and plan to continue.  Taking more time to do this with friends is a big priority!

12. Journal and follow a Bible Reading Plan - new one.  I found an acrostic I am going to use in my journal (http://www.gcfw.org/c---g---s/grow/soap-journaling.html).  I am also going to start using You Version reading plans (http://www.youversion.com/) which are smaller and help me to measure and maintain success a little bit easier.  Not that bigger plans are wrong, I just want to see where I am head more clearly, I think.

Well, if I think of anymore anytime soon I will add them, but until then I am super excited about the last semester of my college career.  I am going to miss it, I know, but I plan on taking it one step at a time and watching God show me an awesome plan for the future.

Procrastination.

I have always been a procrastinator to some extent.  I get it done, no matter what.  It is just sometimes at the last minute.  This semester, I have been horrible.  I have waited till the last minute to do a project for the capstone class for my major, I sit here now needing to work on a project due for a final tomorrow.  I don't know what is wrong with me.

Tonight, I left my room to go to McDonald's just to get a change of scenery and I talked to God while on the drive.  I think he was showing me, Will, it is time to move on.  I think that is why procrastination has been so bad this semester.  I am not scared of leaving I am just comfortable where I am.  I have the BEST friends in the entire world, I have an INCREDIBLE church family, and I call Williams HOME and could for the rest of my life.  That is not how it works though.  I have to realize that finishing strong is just as important as the beginning and the end.  This senioritis junk is just an excuse.  I still have to work hard and do well.  Because that is what is important to me.  God has big plans for me else where.  I am pumped about the possibility of going to Truett Seminary.  I am ecstatic about serving at camp this summer. But, in the mean time, there is a job to be done here.  I have a group of great kids that need to have the gospel shared with them, that need to be discipled.  I know freshman that need someone to invest in them and people who are just craving for someone to talk to.  I have friends that I will never again live across campus from and we have memories left to make.  I need to do what I am suppose to right now and stop thinking about the future and think about what is on my list for today.

And on my list before I can go to bed is a Producing the School Play project AND going over some Greek flash cards.  So, I will go do that now.

Ambiguity

I have grown up hearing a lot of things are wrong.  You shouldn't do them and Jesus doesn't like them.  I am not going to list them here because that is not what this post is about.  It is about the fact that I think so badly of people who are closed minded and believe tradition almost more than they believe the Word and yet I do the same thing.  I can't reconcile why.  I mean and even reading certain scripture and thinking it means one particular thing I have been taught and not ever looking at in depth just to make sure.  Because there is nothing wrong with making sure.  Nothing at all.  And I am afraid that so many people worry, including myself, that if we question something we are sinning.  God wants us to seek out truth.  And sometimes we are confused about what truth is.  Sometimes truth isn't as absolute as we think it is, or more correctly isn't the absolute we thought it was.  And you know what in the end we might find out that we still believe what we have believed all along.  And that is fine, but at least we believe because we were led by the Spirit rather than letting tradition and our raising make us that way.  It happens.  I hope this made since, and I hope no one finds me a heretic. Thanks for listening.

Christ, Be the center of my life.

I just spent the last three days with some amazing people at the Williams Baptist College Ministry Team Leadership Retreat.  Now, this is going to be my third year to serve on the team and I know the ropes you could say.  This year is different in a lot of ways thought.  First of all, we have a new leader.  His name is still Josh, but he is a new Josh.  There was not a time in the last three days that I didn't think, "Wow God has really provided with sending us an awesome leader!"  He connects so well with us and has a passion for doing ministry alongside of all of us.  I am beyond excited.  This team is also different because I am not best friends with all of them.  Not that I don't like them, but every other team I have been on has been full of my closest friends in the world.  This one still has a number of those, but a lot of new people I don't know as well.  This also turned out to be awesome!  I loved it! I am excited to serve with so many passionate and God-seeking people.

So here is the point....I have had a extremely lazy summer.  Now, I have been busy with work, but in personal reflection, time with God, and general discipline I have sucked it up.  But, the truth is I haven't been around people like that to share and engage in life with.  Sure, I have a great church family, but they don't really know me for who I am.  I am a minister at their church.  I know their stories inside and out.  I know how they got pregnant at 16, lost a baby in the eight month, left a legalistic culture, went through the divorce of their parents, etc.  But, do they know my life and do I share it with them?  I lacked a lot of motivation this summer because I fear I was extremely superficial.  This week I felt like I had nothing to hold back really.  I could worship freely, be myself (mostly) and not feel like I had to up hold an agenda or an image.  I need to feel the family and community I get every time I spend time with people from Williams.  I need to be able to sit up til 4 in the morning talking to my best friend in the world about how screwed up we both are.  I need to be able to do that.  With them and with other people.  Williams is not the church.  If it were I don't think I could ever leave it.  But, the church and myself could learn a lot about community and family and life from good ole, WBC.  So, my first confession and goal is to be more real.

Then there is the whole thing about Jesus.  You know him.  Though I wasn't sharing my life with my friends as much this summer I wasn't allowing Him to take over my life either.  You know, friends are great and I have some really great ones, but if I go to Grace with a problem before I ever talk to God about it there is an issue.  If I am more transparent with Jon about my sin than I am with God who am I kidding.  If I am more happy and excited to spend time with Sam and Jill than to spend time with my Savior, I am making idols.  If I care more about seeing how Patrick is doing than actually praying for him I have missed the point.  And lastly, if I talk to Stephanie, Lori, Chrissy, Jake, and Mark more about church than I do praying for the church to the God who is suppose to be at the center of it, why am I wasting my breathe.

Now, don't get me wrong all of those things are important.  Transparency and friendship are wonderful things.  But, like anything else I can never let them replace the God I am supposed to be serving.

"O Christ, be the center of our lives.
Be the place we fix our eyes.
Be the center of our lives."

Summer, Where Did You Go? AND Were you you Productive?

As I sit here resting after a very productive day I can't help but think to myself were this kind of productivity has been all summer.  I had a list of books I wanted to read, Greek homework to do, intense praying to do about my future, and a battle to wage against sin and junk I had been letting consume my life.  Then again, I know I did things this summer. I was pretty busy.  I hope I impacted some kids and God used me to at least spark some interest in him in some kids.  I have realized I love my church.  And honestly I didn't think I would, at least not as much as I do initially.  But, I know there was a lot of other stuff that got pulled to the wayside.  This is my last year in college.  A time in my life that has changed me to my core.  The people I have met, experiences I have had, and the tears I've cried will change me forever, but they aren't over.  And to make a better future after I leave I have to enjoy the time I have left and be extremely productive in it.  So, 2011-2012 school year, here is to good memories, great friends, and lots of productivity.

Self Control - Get rid of it!

I recently was reading the story of Josiah in my Bible. Josiah inherited a pretty bad deal. A bunch of kings before him had messed up a lot. They continued in they ways of their fathers and sought after idols and worshipped false gods. Josiah comes on the scene and the story is a completely different one. He follows after the ways of David and walks with the Lord. The Law is found in the temple and he reads it and is convicted. Josiah tears down all the high places and places of false worship because he knows he needs to get rid of it. Josiah wanted the people to have no temptation to revert back to the worship of those gods, so he removed the whole lot of them.

What would that kind of self control look like in your life? In my life? I mean, if we really got rid of the things that we knew tempted us to sin, even though we don't want to. My now former (that's hard to say) campus minister, Josh Goza preached a sermon last fall about self control. In it he told a story about a student who had brought Josh his computer and told him he didn't want it any more. He was removing it from his life because he couldn't handle the temptation it brought him. Now, its not the right thing for every male in America to get rid of their computer. You cannot put some legalistic sanction of it and call it biblical. What is biblical however is to get rid of what ensnares you.

Here is my advice, and this is a recent development in my thinking. Think about what you need to get rid of or guidelines you need to set in place on what you can and cannot watch, when you can or cannot use a computer, when you can or cannot do this, or that. I don't know what ensnares you and you don't know what ensnares me. But, friends, why do we keep talking about accountability this and that. Find someone get real with them and say I have prayed and I am getting rid of these things and I need to make sure you help me stick to it. I plan to do it. Do you?

Bucket List

So, as much as I don't want to think about it senior year is approaching. Its the end of what so far has really been the best time of my life. I love college. I love the friends college has brought me. I love the church family God has sent me to, honestly besides the homework I don't really see how life could get much better. BUT regardless accepting the inevitable is the first step. So, I decided to make a bucket list of a couple things I want to do between know and May 2012.

1. Go to a concert. Or two or three or you know. I haven't been to enough of these in my college career and I am vowing to go to at least a couple senior year.

2. Be a mentor. I want to mentor someone younger than me for the next year and invest in them.

3. Find a mentor. I have lost two of my college mentors one last year and one this year so I really need someone who can invest in me in the next year.

4. Read. I know its hard to do during college but I want to read more outside of class to gain a better knowledge base.

5. Take more pictures. I love pictures and I certainly don't take enough of them. I need to do so and document senior year well.

6. Preach. I took my first preaching class last semester and I want to get more experience.

7. Go to Moni's more. This is random, I know but me and my friends have decided we need to eat at this "cultural gem" more often.

8. Work out, but seriously this time. I am going to some how figure out how to do so.

9. Run. Again, really this time. I am going to run regularly at least three times a week.

10. Budget. So, I am going to be semi-launching into the real world in a year and its scary. I am poor. So, budgeting and creating a savings base are definitely on the list.

11. Watch more movies. It seems random but there are a lot of big movies I have never seen.

I know these might be random and assorted and I hope to add a couple if they come to my mind. For now though, here it is.

Lonely, Lazy, and Sinful

Talking to Grace on the phone tonight, she was excited about getting to spend a weekend alone. I had thought that too earlier in the day and then as the night went on the old battle with loneliness crept back up. I will be honest I have always been a little nuts. Even as a kid when I played by myself (which I tended to do a lot because there are six years separating me and each of my siblings) there had to be someone there to talk to. They were more times than not imaginary but that goes to show the fact I have never liked being alone.

Lonely also follows laziness. Instead of getting up and doing something to occupy my time I lay around. I had intended to use this summer to read a lot and catch up on some much needed solitude and meditation with the Lord. Overall, I have failed. Laziness brings sin more often than not because your guard goes down. I don't care what I am about to do and honestly I don't care because I want to. I hate feeling lonely and being lazy at the same time.

But I am tired of it. I am tired of letting myself feel like I need constant communication with someone or something. God uses the silent and the alone time. He just wants me to get up and go do something with it. In the words of Patty Loveless, "we've just been lonely too long." I am tired of it. Jesus is always there and he is willing to do something big if I get up off my rear and just do something.

Love Lost, Wisdom Gained

So, I talked about in my last post how I had a first time experience this past year. A girlfriend. The whole story is honestly too long and complicated and most of you could care less about the details, so I will spare you the hurt. But, I did learn a lot through it and to really kind of move on I guess you could say, I am going to make a list.

1. Obsession is bad. If you know me at all, you know I get obsessed with things. I mean, if you are one of my close friends I probably fear for your life, your sin, and even your grades in school than I do my own. Well, not as drastic as I just made that sound, but you now what I mean. I was obsessed for a long time with this girl. It wasn't a good thing. I was looking for a girl friend, I thought she was a nice girl, so I pursued. And pursued. And pursued.

2. Obsession does not bring love. After months, well almost a year of obsession, we dated. I learned that my obsession for her in the previous year did not make me fall in love with her. I could create obsession, but I could not create love. It is impossible. I loved her and still do, but not like a boyfriend should love a girlfriend.

3. Love has to be shared in equal parts. I told myself at first the reason she seemed to care about me more than I cared about her was she was a girl and they are just wired that way. At the end of the day though, she was falling in love with me and I was not with her (which was not her fault and I want to stress that). I thought when we started dating it would end in getting married. I was an idiot. So it surprised me when even in our short relationship the "m" word came up. I mean, to be honest I could have married her and I could have lived with her and I could have made her happy. However, I would be living a life everyday where I know our love is not shared equally and to me that isn't fair to me or her.

4. Breaking up is hard. I knew I needed to break up with her for a long time. That doesn't mean it wasn't hard then and after. It wasn't just hard for you, let's just put it that way. However, the peace that came after doing the right thing didn't mean I didn't feel like a jerk, like I had ruined her life. I did do the right thing and analyze what happened before that and how much it hurt all you want, I did what was right, but that didn't make it easy.

5. Wait for God. Some people may have found the perfect spouse by looking and seeking after them. It didn't work for me. I have began to realize I suffer from loneliness. Like really bad and there will be an upcoming post on that for sure. But, wanting to be with someone more than wanting to be with God and seeking to find someone more than I am seeking out God is not ok. So, next time, if there is a next time I am simply waiting on my Father to give me direction.

6. Relationships don't make sin go away. Sin is still going to be there. Lust is still going to be there. Thoughts you don't want to think are still going to be there. It is not going away because you have some teenage-like commitment with a girl. So, deal with it. Guys, be honest, don't be afraid to talk about what is going on. Girls, its not okay. I mean, be sympathetic and encourage but rebuke too. Just because mail brains are wired to think about sex all the time doesn't mean we need to hear, it will be ok nine time as day.

7. Be honest. I know I said that in my last number, but really. If you are going to be adult enough to try to be in a relationship tell each other the real stuff. Don't hold back.

In conclusion, I don't know if any of this is right. This is just what I have concluded from my limited experience. I am not trying to call anyone out. We all make mistakes. These are all mine. So, in the risk of being completely wrong about all of this, I am pressing "publish post."

The Joy of Your Salvation

So, it has been a while. One might say too long in fact. That someone, by the way would be me. I have forgotten how therapeutic this whole blogging thing is. So, one of my new additions to my list of ways in which I need to be more disciplined is to blog more. So, here it goes....

Psalm 51:12 makes the statement, "return me to the joy of your salvation." This statement made by the psalmist has been haunting me for a long time now. I say haunting because, honestly, I don't understand it. I have been trying to and I think I know what it means to me (which by saying I have quite possibly made a large hermeneutical error). Well, I know what I think it means to a lot of people. Lets be real honest with ourselves....we forget what God has done for us. I mean, I was seven years old when I began my relationship with Christ, I remember being excited and wanting to do great things for the kingdom. I remember me and my friends wanted to invite people to church and provide them with information in the process. What did we do? We made brochures copying and pasting things about our church on to large sheets of paper (now I mean literally copying and pasting). We wanted to do something for God.

Fast forward....last summer was the first time in a long time (maybe since those first few months after my salvation) I could feel God using me in a mighty way. I mean it was an everyday thing. I would talk to a friend and she would tell me I was different. I was glad. I needed to be different. She basically told me that would change when I got back. I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to continue to work for Christ and to change.

Boy did I change, the work part was a little more difficult......If I had to chart the changes in my life in the last year I could point to one single event. Confession time. At our annual Ministry Team Leadership retreat we had a time of corporate confession where we all took time to confess with the group some of our deepest, darkest sin. I held back. I always do. I don't want other people to know I mess up and I am pretty sure no one has sin problem like I do (which the whole experience proved that notion wrong). After a lot of prayer, journaling and reading through scripture that night and into the next day I knew what I had to do...confess. I did to two of my closest friends on the way back home. Did it change me? Unbelievably so. Did it fix my sin? No.

The school year went on....I had my first girl friend (which I should probably reflect on in a post all by itself), for the first time I knew what accountability was, I was learning slowly and surely to be transparent because life is to short not to be, and honestly I went through after having two of the biggest spiritual boosters in my life one of the darkest times in my life. A lot, went on internally and a lot of confusion. I depended too much on those around me and not enough on the one who gave me life. Typical.

So, what's the point. The point is all these experiences made me have joy in God's salvation. They made me take stock of my life and realize what Christ did and how much grace he really had to extend to me. It was a lot, by the way. But, they were all short lived because they were very situationally based. They didn't carry over because I wasn't committed enough. Honestly, it shouldn't take some special event for me to bask in the joy of God's salvation. I should wake up renewed and refreshed everyday thinking of how great a God I serve and how deep my sin is and yet how merciful and might the Savior is. The fact that God himself dwells inside of me and works in the world I live in. All of this is reason to never loose the joy of your salvation.

Thoughts?
Advice?

Praying a Little Prayer

I don't pray as often as I should.  God has actually been showing me how bad I suck at it for a while now.  I often pray selfish prayers, but I just wanted to make a short list of things I try to regularly pray for.

1. My friends, the best ones.  The ones who listen to all my messed up musings and hug me after my screw ups.  I pray because they are getting married, just got a divorce, or have a girlfriend.  I pray because all too often, I am in the same shoes they are in and I don't know what to say to them for advice.  I pray for my friends.

2.  Hannah.  I thank God she's ours.  That he gave us a special blessing that never ceases to make me smile.  I thank him that I cry after I talk to her one the phone.  I pray that we will take this blessing he has given to us and teach her all about him and King Jesus.

3. Bub.  I pray that God will keep everything going smoothly.  I pray that we will want him to be a permanent part of our life not just for selfish reasons but to raise him in the knowledge of the Lord.  I pray for his salvation.  And I miss his chubby cheeks.

4.  I pray about my future and that I would not be an idiot and miss the opportunity when he sends it.

5.  I ask for forgiveness of habitual sin.

6.  I ask to understand my minor sufferings and that God would put them in perspective for me.

7.  I pray for revival and spiritual awakening in my generation.  That we will truly reach the world for our King.  And I know that has to start with me.

8.  I pray for people to cross my path to share him with, I should pray this more.

9.  I pray for the kids I teach and minister to.  I love them so much and I don't realize enough how fortunate I am to have these precious, small souls in my life.  They challenge me everyday and I love them more than I could ever express.

10.  I am going to start praying for change.  Because I have to change.

They Went Whorring

Sorry for the explicitly of my wording in the title.  Well, I am not really sorry just to be honest.  That is how God put it.  And well, I like it.  God doesn't mince his words.  The Old Testament is full of God using images of a cheating spouse to describe the Israelites.  It is an image God had been showing me through out my reading of the Pentateuch and then even more in a sermon at church a couple of months ago.  It is apt.  That is what they did.  That is how they treated God.  Stupid Israel.  They were reminded constantly of God's love for them.  He was right there.  His presence was literally evident in a cloud.  He was there with them.  They still screwed up.  Stupid, stupid Israel.  Who would ever do that?

Hold up wait a minute.  I would.  And chances are you would too.  Cheating isn't something that is unattractive or unappealing or so many people wouldn't do it.  Let's be honest for a minute, people often have good, logical reasons for cheating on their spouses.  They don't feel like their needs are being met, their husband ignores them, their wife is more concerned about her social calendar that her husband, the husband is a workaholic and neglects his role to his wife a a spiritual leader.  Cheating makes sense sometimes.  In our human brains, it is even considered the only choice.  It is not.  It is still wrong no matter how rational we make it.

But that is what we all do to God.  We know what sin is and yet we get caught up in it anyway.  Lust appeals to our eyes and we can't stop looking.  Greed appeals to our ears and we want that cool new phone all our friends are talking about.  Gossip averts our our attention from our own emotional baggage and we indulge ourselves into focusing on other people's faults.  Look folks, sin is fun.  Sin is desirable and in our perspective on the world it would make us happy.  The problem is born again believers know the difference.

It is about relationship. It has always been about relationship.  God adopted us as his children, bestowed his grace upon us, and made us holy.  We are holy.  But, in that we are responsible for our actions.  The Israelites were.  They new better and were punished.  Forgiveness never negates consequences.  God warned the Israelites and when they didn't heed that warning they got punished.  I am kind of obsessed currently with a story in the book of Numbers (yes Numbers Dr. Gore is wearing off on me).  It is in chapter 25.  The Israelites (for the first of many times) start worshipping Baal.  They get so bad two of them even start having sex in the tabernacle.  Really?  Really?  Yes.  That bad.  God doesn't tolerate blatant disobedience like that.  Phineas, grandson of the high priest Aaron takes a spear and shoves it through them and kills them both instantly.  A plague is brought upon the whole nation that had been worshipping Baal and God cleanses them.  God does not tolerate infidelity.

I am not trying to convict the three people that read this.  This is really a slap to my own face.  I sin a lot. I mess up a lot and while I know God's grace covers my sin and I can't dwell on my mistakes, I know God doesn't tolerate infidelity.  It is hard to be faithful.  I don't have the perspective God does.  He tries to give it to me and so often I resist it.  He gives me avenues of confession and accountability and I don't take them.  In other words, get the picture Will.  The Israelites wrote down their mess ups so we wouldn't do them.  So, here's to trying harder.

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

I don't like to wait for things to happen.  I am systematic.  I like to have a plan and stick to it.  The bad thing about my meticulous way of thinking is I am in a constant state of waiting to see what is next.  Waiting to go on Spring Break, waiting to get back from break to see my friends, for a minor example.  I could not wait to get to college and now that I am there and settled in I have to start thinking about what is next.  I want my life and all of my goals to instantly accomplished so I won't have to wait and see if I am simply just waiting in vein.  I want to know if I am going to get married, if I am going to have kids.  I want to know what kind of job I am going to have, where I am going to live.  I always think I want to know these things, when the reality of the problem is once I get what I seem to want it doesn't work out the way I planned.  I have learned that for sure this past year.  So, I guess you could say what's the point?  I don't know.  I am just sick of waiting.  Contentment is something I certainly struggle with.  Josh Goza, my campus minister, preached a sermon in my Sermon Prep class a couple weeks ago on being content.  I learned from that sermon I am not content.  I want the next stage of my life until it gets there and then it seems like I miss it because I am so worried about what is going to happen next.  A lack of contentment also morphs its way into finding fulfillment in various things.  Various things, that are not God.  This week, instead of taking time to spend with God I have been impatient, asking why too much, finding fulfillment and solace in worldly things that are not going to make me feel better.  Lesson for the week and for some time now....be patient and live life now for God.  He has plans for me today and if I am too busy waiting for tomorrow, then I will miss out on His plan today.

Are You O.K.?

How many times a day does someone say to you, "Are you o.k.?"  That question is so loaded and yet not really.  And to begin with how do you even answer that question?  I mean yes, I am alive and breathing and God has given me another day to live.  So I guess the answer could always be yes.  In another since, no, I am struggling with sin and relationships in my life and on and on and on and on.  But I am dealing with them and today is better than yesterday.  So, to me "Are you o.k.?" is a stupid question.  Don't get me wrong, I am very guilty of asking this loaded question.  And when others answer me and say yes, I guess they aren't lying.  If I really wanted to know what was going on in their lives, however, wouldn't I just ask them things like, "How was your day?" or "What's on your mind?" or "how are you dealing with your struggles?"  In being intentional with building Christ centered relationships shouldn't we put more weight in our questioning?  A simple "Are you o.k.?" isn't going to be enough for me anymore.  Digging deeper needs to happen.  At the heart of a good friendship or any relationship is accountability.  And sometimes accountability begins with simply asking the right questions.

Don't Suck

Oh CentriKid, how you continue to change my life. One thing we learned at camp this summer is the concept of excellence. The point of the concept is to do everything with the goal of doing the best way it can be done. In other words, providing the best possible outcome. I began to think this afternoon if I lived my life in an excellent manner? The answer of course was NO! God visibly shows me things to let me know the path I am headed down is the wrong path and yet I dismiss them and move on. You could almost formulate a pattern for my sin or failures and calculate what time during the week or month or whatever that I am going to mess up. I feel so stupid and idiotic. And I guess that is exactly what I am. Don't get me wrong, I am not beating myself up over it or depressed I am just tired of being an idiot. 2 Timothy 4:2 says, "Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season correct, rebuke, and encourage with great patience and careful instruction." I am a good encourager. Even in encouraging myself. However, I miss the rebuke and correct one over and over again. Even when talking with friends when I do try to rebuke or correct I either a. feel like a hypocrite or b. do it out of selfishness trying to make them feel guilty for something after they have just made me feel guilty. But, in order to pursue excellence in my life I have to correct myself and allow others to correct me. As we said at camp, "eval that." Eval-ing yourself I am afraid is easier said than done.
The picture above is the band I worked with this summer and my acting partner, Aubrey. We said every morning, "don't suck." To remind us of who we are doing this for. That we need to pursue excellence because the most excellent one is who we are doing it for. That is not just for camp, Will, that is for life. So here's to trying my best to not suck in life as well.

Finding Fault

I am a very proud person that doesn't like to be wrong.  Lately I have been realizing more and more what my faults are and thinking about how I need to fix them. So here's to a little time of confession to the blogging world:

1. I am too anxious.  I worry way too much.  The littlest things can literally drive me crazy. I not only worry about myself but others and let their worries be transferred to mine too easily.  I guess you could say I am too empathic, which can certainly be a bad thing.

2. I try to find joy and fulfillment in anything but God.  I am constantly looking for or have something that I use to make me happy rather than finding that happiness in God.  It can be friendships, dating, working, so many things.  I really struggle with realizing God is all I need.  I know that is the truth but so often I don't take hold of that truth.

3. I am too sensitive. I let things that people say bother me entirely too much.  I guess I shouldn't and sometimes people do say hurtful things, but in the grand scheme of things a lot of people (especially my friends) aren't trying to be hurtful.  I guess in all honesty this might be a problem with forgiveness and holding on to grudges.

4. I say hurtful things. To the opposite effect of the fault above I don't take responsibility for the words I say.  I don't take time to think about what I am about to say and how it will effect the person I say it to. I can be a jerk and not even realize it until thirty minutes later. But that doesn't make me any less of a jerk.

5. Pride. I am very prideful. I don't like to be wrong. I am learning lately though that I am more and more and it has been a humbling experience.

6. I am not a good friend. Don't get me wrong. I think I have aspects and qualities that make me a good friend.  I listen well, I care a lot about my friends, and I am genuinely concerned about them, but I so often get caught up in how they can help me that I loose sight of what I bring to the friendship.

Don't worry (to maybe the two people if I am lucky who will read this) I am not depressed or in a state of self pity I just needed to get some things off my chest in a logical and methodical way. It has helped I already feel better.

Being a Child of God

It is amazing how teaching kids can teach you so many things in the process.  I am still grappling with the concept of being God's child and being adopted by him.  The concept to me is just so cool.  I wanted to just share some cool ways I have found this metaphor in scripture so aptly fits.

1. Adoption is permanent.  It cannot be undone.  You never hear of someone being unadopted.  God isn't going to send us back because we don't fit in, because we mess up, or because we are just plain dumb.  We are his forever, no questions asked.

2. Adoption is a choice.  No one is forced to adopt.  It is something that one does out of love and compassion for the child.  The orphan and neglected are without parents.  Every human is born like that with a need to be adopted into an eternal family.  I didn't say we always deserve to be picked, but that is the beauty of it.

3. Child isn't always a term defined by age.  It has been a mounting frustration of mine to be stuck in an awkward early twenties stage of life.  My parents know I am not quite fully grown up yet, but I am at the same time.  No matter how old I am they are still going to tell me not eat too much, or that I need to clean out my closet.  No matter how old I am their child.  I am still there son.  I need correction.  Even when I don't want it.

4. A child needs to be disciplined.  When you do define a child as a young person one will find they need to be disciplined.  Children need to know that when they mess up they will be punished.  God is going to do the same.  Hannah (my very soon to be adopted niece) is two.  She will do things she knows she isn't suppose to do look right at Meggin (my sister) while she's doing it to see if she's watching.  She does it over and over again and she knows she will get into trouble.  That is what we all do. I like so many others constantly have to be disciplined by God for committing the same sins and mistakes over and over again. Hence how I am like a child.

My identity and who I am should be completely tied up in that  I am a child of God.  He is my father.  Too many times I forget and don't completely put my trust in that.