Today

I can't really explain the mood or feeling I have been in the past couple of weeks.  I really am at a weird place.  I have described it as a cross roads, or a limbo type feeling.  I have thirteen weeks left of my college career as of today.  That is a lot of time.  It isn't a lot of time in the same regard.  I am moving on, I don't know where for sure yet (if the nice people from the seminary I applied to would like to send me a letter back, that'd be great), but nevertheless my life is going to be different.  My life looks so different than the people I am closest to all around me.  You might say it should and I would agree.  We are all different and God has a specific and different plan for each one of our lives.  Most of my close friends are either married, engaged, or will be engaged soon.  Most of them in fact are staying in Walnut Ridge, whether they are getting married, staying for a job, or aren't graduating yet.  When people try and convince me I should stay, I'll admit the thought is tempting.  I love these people.  My friends from school are class A, I have a great church family, and I don't use that word family lightly - they are just that.  I love my job.  I want to be a children's minister when I grow up and that is exactly what I am doing right now.  I know though, God has another plan (as far as I can tell).  I have more to learn and to experience elsewhere.  I am trying to have faith, which has been a struggle lately.  I am trying to - well, if I were completely honest I am not trying as hard as I could be.  This last semester is easy and so I am bridging on being just plain lazy.  I hate it.  My prayer has been that God would change me and prepare me for the next chapter in my life.  I have to look to his word and talk to him to allow him to do that.  I am really looking forward to camp this summer.  That is why I would hurry this semester along, but I somehow think I believe I will come right back to Williams Baptist College and start another year.  That is not going to happen.  It is going to be new and unexpected.  And frankly I am beyond excited, and still a little nervous.  I am a walking paradox.  Pray for me.