Today I am not Content

Listen y'all, I am not a content person.  I'm not.  I always want to be somewhere else doing the next best thing for me.  I guess it is probably because I grew up in a culture that is always pushing to see what you are going to do after high school, what college you are going to, when are you getting married, what are you doing after college, etc. etc.  I sit here in my office at FBC thinking, I have a ton of stuff I could be doing, but I just want to be at camp.  Sitting in class this morning, all I could think was, I just want to go back to bed and take a nap.  But isn't there something to be said about the fact that we need to be in the moment, we need to be content where we are.  There are things left to be done here at FBC.  There are things still to be done at Williams.  There are things to be done this summer and next year too, but they are not here yet.  If I am so excited about them why I am not preparing spiritually for them.  Why?

On another note, the getting in to seminary high from last week has most def worn off.  I got a very happy email from the camp office telling us March 4th is the day we find out what team we are going to be serving on this summer....PUMPED.  And yet, I digress and prove my point all the more.  This weekend, I have a DNOW.  I am not a big fan of teenagers, but shouldn't I be excited about investing in them? Tomorrow I can to perform in a children's play - shouldn't I be happy to be on stage?  I need some serious accountability to be happy just were I am (in a this is where I am suppose to be sort of thing).

I don't have anything else insightful to say.  I don't have a poem or a song (I am not cool like my friend Jon), I don't have a funny kid to write about (y'all should really check out the big momma blog), and I don't lead a church of millions of members or work at LifeWay.  But, I tried.

Yesterday I got into Seminary

It happened.  I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to get a letter declaring whether I got into grad school or not.  Yesterday my questions were answered and I will be attending George W. Truett Theological Seminary with a full tuition paid scholarship.  My first thought was elation.  I was so excited.  I called my mom, my dad, I ran to the "Holy Hallway" to tell my professors.  I was in awe.  My next feeling was how much I don't deserve this.  As I read the letter it told me how I was in a select company of people that will be receiving this award, etc etc.  How my academic record was good, etc. etc.  I struggle though because I am a horrible person.  We all are to some extent.  I am a dirty, rotten sinner with a lot of ugly in my life that for the most part I keep hidden inside of me.  I lust after things of the flesh, I neglect spending time in devotion with the creator of the universe, and I procrastinate on preparing to teach the Word time after time.  It hinges on the ridiculous in fact.  But, I was reminded yesterday that God is faithful and he has grace abounding.  He still trusts me and redeems me even though I fail him continually time after time.  He still loves me and provides amazing opportunities in my life after I screw up over and over again.

That being said, I would like to take some time to thank a couple of people who this scholarship could not have been possible without.

Momma and Daddy - I am what I am because of you.  The good I do and strive to do is because of the example you have always set for me.  I work hard, because you work hard.  I love Christ, because you have showed me the love of Christ.  I teach children and disciple them because you have taught me how to love children and disciple them.  I know we disagree, we argue, and we say things neither one of us mean, but I love you guys and even though I may be going even further away I will carrying on what you taught me.  You will always be there with me and I will always be there with you.

Billy Don - You have been the brother I have always wanted and prayed for.  You follow fast after the heart of God even through difficult circumstances.  You have been through so much physically and emotionally the last couple of years and I have never seen you loose your faith.  You are an awesome dad, husband, and brother and I am proud to call you just that my brother.

Meggin and Catie - Meg, thanks for dressing me for the first twelve years of my life.  Thank you for being a good big sister despite my hormonal teenage outbursts and smart aleck remarks.  Catie, thanks for being a good example to me even as your big brother.  For being a faithful friend, loving others, and sticking to what you know is right.

Drs. Gore, Foster, and Norvell - I can't even express the debt I owe you.  Your passion for Christ and his kingdom is tangible every time you step in front of a class to teach.  I have learned so much through your leadership and teaching and I know I prepared because of the excellent education I have received at your hands.

Sam and Josh - thanks for being mentors for me through my early college days.  Thank you for instilling a drive in me to work hard and push myself to my best.  I can point to so many things I have done the past couple of years and know the only reason I did them is because of your encouragement.

Jon, Sam, Pat, and Dan - You are five start friends.  I love you guys and the example you set for me.  I know we don't get to see each other as much as we used to, but I still pray for you guys and I love you more than I can express.  You challenge me, you inspire me, you encourage me, you humble me, you love me, and you give me a swift kick to the face when I need you to.  We are really more than just friends, you are my brothers.

First Baptist Church - That is a lump of so many individuals who have been patient with me the past year, who have cooked meals for me, let me stay at their house, hang out with their kids, and simply to get paid for doing what I love to do most in life.  It is with a heavy heart I move on to the next stage in my life, but I will continue to pray for you each day.

God has taught me patience through this whole process and faith in him often requires we wait on his timeline.  He is God and he can do anything he wants to do. Here's to the next three months and living life for him here while I still can.

That's all there is, there isn't any more.  

Today I am 22

General observances about my day:
- I miss my mommy on my birthday.  I haven't seen my family on my birthday in four years.  I was 18 the last time I did.  Weird.
- Facebook makes me feel loved and creeps me out or makes me feel bad because there were people that wrote on my wall today that I don't think I even knew.  The top posts go to my momma, Casey Turner (Charlie Brown), Laura Pucik's picture of a birthday hedge hog, and Rita calling me her "sweet baby boy" even at 22.  I am loved, very undeservedly.  But still loved.
- If I can't see my own family on my birthday, the next best thing was lunch with a good showing of the Pucik clan.  Legit people, no lie.
- Can I say I love camp?  How does this have anything to do with my birthday?  Well, getting happy birthdays from these wonderful people just reminds me of the relationships I made there and gets me sooo pumped to get my Game On this summer!
- FBC Walnut Ridge is wonderful.  I am going to miss these people.  I can't say anymore than that or I might cry.
- It is weird that I have no idea where I will be this time next year.  Not for sure anyway.  I can only wonder how I will change and grow. I am actually beyond excited about the whole thing.  I really am. Not scared pumped to do whatever and go where ever God leads.
- Lastly, the best birthday experience was talking to my Nana.  We found out a little while back that she has lung cancer.  My Nana is not old. Well, she is in her seventies but I have never ever thought of her as being an old lady.  She is a hard worker and she cooks constantly.  She love Dillards and gets her hair cut by some man that charges an arm and a leg in Little Rock.  It was a weird experience for me to take in.  But, I miss her and haven't talked to her since I found out until today.  She is losing her hair, but is armed with wigs, hats, scarves, and apparently a dew rag.  Get it Nana, get it.

Productive

I was productive today.  I was.  I am not being right now.  I have one more verse of my Greek to do and I can't find the motivation.  Bummer.  But, I digress.  Anyway, I went to class, I ran, I got my driver's license renewed, ordered a new debit card, pick up some necessities at the DG (like TP), went to play practice, ate and did Greek, played basketball, Collided it up, had some McD's, and now I sit here soaking it all in.  I like being busy and feeling accomplished, but I have really been fighting a lazy spirit lately.  And when I am lazy.....I sin.  It's just how it works.  It really is.  So, I am going to learn to have productive days all the time.  It has to happen.

In other news, I love people.  I really do.  I don't think I do sometimes, but I do.  A lot.  There are some great people here in this cornfield or rice, or whatever the heck it is and I love them even the ones I don't really know.  Today, I kind of like the human race.  We will see how I feel tomorrow.

That was boring, yet I think beneficial.  Ok 1 Thess. 2:16 I must parse you, translate you, and thus own you.  Nobody ever said that I wasn't a nerd.

Today

I can't really explain the mood or feeling I have been in the past couple of weeks.  I really am at a weird place.  I have described it as a cross roads, or a limbo type feeling.  I have thirteen weeks left of my college career as of today.  That is a lot of time.  It isn't a lot of time in the same regard.  I am moving on, I don't know where for sure yet (if the nice people from the seminary I applied to would like to send me a letter back, that'd be great), but nevertheless my life is going to be different.  My life looks so different than the people I am closest to all around me.  You might say it should and I would agree.  We are all different and God has a specific and different plan for each one of our lives.  Most of my close friends are either married, engaged, or will be engaged soon.  Most of them in fact are staying in Walnut Ridge, whether they are getting married, staying for a job, or aren't graduating yet.  When people try and convince me I should stay, I'll admit the thought is tempting.  I love these people.  My friends from school are class A, I have a great church family, and I don't use that word family lightly - they are just that.  I love my job.  I want to be a children's minister when I grow up and that is exactly what I am doing right now.  I know though, God has another plan (as far as I can tell).  I have more to learn and to experience elsewhere.  I am trying to have faith, which has been a struggle lately.  I am trying to - well, if I were completely honest I am not trying as hard as I could be.  This last semester is easy and so I am bridging on being just plain lazy.  I hate it.  My prayer has been that God would change me and prepare me for the next chapter in my life.  I have to look to his word and talk to him to allow him to do that.  I am really looking forward to camp this summer.  That is why I would hurry this semester along, but I somehow think I believe I will come right back to Williams Baptist College and start another year.  That is not going to happen.  It is going to be new and unexpected.  And frankly I am beyond excited, and still a little nervous.  I am a walking paradox.  Pray for me.

2 Days Later

So, I have been back "home" (home is a relative term when you are an almost 22 year old college student, you see I am at my temporary home, The Anderson's, in Walnut Ridge so I can go to church and stuff while the dorm is closed not my actual home I was reared in and stuff, but I digress) for two days and I really cannot stop thinking about what I learned and what I experienced at Passion.  It was my prayer the entire week not to let the fire burn out when I got home, and though I neglected by YouVersion reading plan until 3:30 this morning (and I learned the current plan gives you free reign on weekends so I am kind of happy about that) I am excited to see what God is going to do and I am racking my brain with how things can be done now.  How do I a last semester senior in college living in Walnut Ridge, AR begin to free 27 million slaves.  I don't know but I do know that I am not going to sit on my butt and just let something that seemingly doesn't effect me, that is actually a malicious injustice rage on in the world.

There is this thing called school that starts back Tuesday.  And this was really the last day I got to sleep in and I did pretty hardcore.  Like 11:30ish don't tell my mom.  That is the best thing about the Anderson house weekend means weekend and this is Will approved. School is going be easier this semester (or so I pray).  I don't know I am kind of ambivalent toward the whole last semester of college thing.  Mostly, I don't even think about it.  I mean I really don't want to think about not having the best people in the world to share life with on a daily basis, or leaving the church I have grown to love with basically the best kids and parents on the planet.  It is not that I don't want to go to grad school I do I just wish they would tell me if I got in and all that wonderful stuff.

I am looking forward to this summer like nobodies business.  I am not really thinking about what I have to leave behind for the sake of camp, but sometimes that happens when you feel calling toward something.  I cannot express words that describe how pumped I am about it.  The last time I worked camp I was nervous and didn't know what to expect now I am just ready to jump in and share Jesus with some kids (not that I don't have the opportunity to that all the time anyway).  Bascially, I am more excited about camp than I am about graduation, but I have been assured by a certified camp professional this is "totes normal."

So, I guess on my list this semester is building relationships, spreading the gospel, figuring out how to not be fat anymore, not falling asleep in Art Appreciation, helping to end slavery, motivating myself to wake up at 7:00 in the morning, not being a horrible friend, eating good food, and trying not to cry too much.  Hard life, let me tell you.

Passion 2012

I just got back from literally one of the most amazing and life changing experiences of my life.  I wanted to share what I learned and decided that the most effective way to do that would be to simply pull quotes from my notes for each speaker and just give a glimpse of the awesome teaching from the word of God.  If you don't already know this God is working in this generation of college students and we are going to change the world.  I am and a lot of you are not just going to be a part of the change you are part of the change right now in this very moment.  Freedom begins now.

Louie Giglio Night 1:
Speaking on Luke 7:11-17
- "Jesus wants our lives to be interrupted at this very moment."
- "Jesus wasn't worried about what he was supposed to do, he knows what he came to do."
- "In its core the Gospel is raising people from the dead."
- "What the law is powerless to do, what religious leaders wouldn't do...Jesus does and so can we."
- "This story doesn't end with the son being alive, it ends with the story of Jesus being spread across the country."
- "The Gospel is about who you are trusting in your life right now, not a decision you made when you were nine or ten."

Beth Moore Morning Session Day 2:
Speaking on Luke 8:43-48
- "Sometimes we think an infinite God has a finite attention span."
- "You are incapable of being unnoticed and ignored by God."
- "The story looses its power if it looses its discomfort."
- "Our greatest need for healing is somewhere so private, we hide the area that needs the most healing."
- "We are afraid of what these secrets will do to us socially."
- "We are called to be clean in an unclean world."
- "Instead of the woman with the issue of blood making him unclean, he made her clean. He came so he could be touchable, not just reachable."
- "As long as you feel unclean, you aren't going to let Jesus do anything. If you hang your head toward him, your hear will not be free."
- There is a cycle of defeat, believing I am the old broken person, being brought back to the pit. Awareness is important, because defeat happens when we forget.
- "We can never explain the complexities of Jesus, because something that can be explained can be mastered."
- "To say that we've been healed is to say we've been unclean.... Your faith has made you well.... Grab on for dear life and be made whole."

Christine Cain Day 2 Second Session:
- "As you sent me, I sent them." - Jesus
- "If you take away a name and make a statistic, it is easy not to think that a number has a name."
- "Jesus interrupts mundane moments to speak and change our lives."
- "The only thing Jesus went to the cross for was people."
- "Compassion is never compassion unless you cross the street and do something now."
- "The Levite and the Priest (in the story of the Good Samaritan) weren't bad people, they were busy people. They missed the object of their ministry."
- "Compassion isn't compassion until you are willing to be interrupted."
- "We who have been rescued have a responsibility to rescue others."
- "One million is just a statistic until you meet one person."
- "What is so important in our temporal world that would take us away from the eternal?"
- "Light works most effectively in the darkness."

Francis Chan Day 2 Night Session:
- "We are allowed to read the Word, there is power in that!"
- "Pay attention to people's doctrines, but also look at their lives."
- "Be careful of your own heart, because we fight for our own desires while reading scripture.  We aren't fighting for truth, we are justifying what we want."
"The solution to human trafficking is making disciples."

Panel Discussion Day 3:
Isaiah 58:6
- Prevention - Intervention - Restoration - Education
- "If we don't talk about demand (in response to slavery) there will continue to be a need for a supply."
- Enthusiasm does not equal accomplishment

John Piper Day 3 Night Session:
- "Do everything to make him look great."
- "All human beings are created to put God's infinite value on display."
- "Seeing and savoring the supremacy of Jesus Christ frees you from the slavery of sin."
- "God didn't create the world to be glorified invisibly."
- "Fruit glorifies privately, works glorify publicly."
- "Receiving and believing Jesus are the same."
- "Freedom is being so involved with Christ you do exactly what you want to do exactly what you want to do and it accords with his will."
- " Big hearts give little lust lusts little power. Little hearts give little lusts big power."
I did agree with a lot of what Piper said, but I did think he needed to clarify his points just a little further.

Last Session Louie Giglio:
- "You are in a system that is setting you up for a not yet arrived at generation."
- "Your person and mission in life begins the day Christ takes hold of your life."
- "Brokenness is the bow from which God launches the arrows of freedom."
- "God's not concerned about what you are doing, He said whatever your doing do it for Jesus."
- "Boldly doesn't all the time mean loudly."

This conference was seriously one of the best experiences of my life.  I loved it and I hope someone, anyone can gain something from my notes.