Self Control - Get rid of it!

I recently was reading the story of Josiah in my Bible. Josiah inherited a pretty bad deal. A bunch of kings before him had messed up a lot. They continued in they ways of their fathers and sought after idols and worshipped false gods. Josiah comes on the scene and the story is a completely different one. He follows after the ways of David and walks with the Lord. The Law is found in the temple and he reads it and is convicted. Josiah tears down all the high places and places of false worship because he knows he needs to get rid of it. Josiah wanted the people to have no temptation to revert back to the worship of those gods, so he removed the whole lot of them.

What would that kind of self control look like in your life? In my life? I mean, if we really got rid of the things that we knew tempted us to sin, even though we don't want to. My now former (that's hard to say) campus minister, Josh Goza preached a sermon last fall about self control. In it he told a story about a student who had brought Josh his computer and told him he didn't want it any more. He was removing it from his life because he couldn't handle the temptation it brought him. Now, its not the right thing for every male in America to get rid of their computer. You cannot put some legalistic sanction of it and call it biblical. What is biblical however is to get rid of what ensnares you.

Here is my advice, and this is a recent development in my thinking. Think about what you need to get rid of or guidelines you need to set in place on what you can and cannot watch, when you can or cannot use a computer, when you can or cannot do this, or that. I don't know what ensnares you and you don't know what ensnares me. But, friends, why do we keep talking about accountability this and that. Find someone get real with them and say I have prayed and I am getting rid of these things and I need to make sure you help me stick to it. I plan to do it. Do you?

Bucket List

So, as much as I don't want to think about it senior year is approaching. Its the end of what so far has really been the best time of my life. I love college. I love the friends college has brought me. I love the church family God has sent me to, honestly besides the homework I don't really see how life could get much better. BUT regardless accepting the inevitable is the first step. So, I decided to make a bucket list of a couple things I want to do between know and May 2012.

1. Go to a concert. Or two or three or you know. I haven't been to enough of these in my college career and I am vowing to go to at least a couple senior year.

2. Be a mentor. I want to mentor someone younger than me for the next year and invest in them.

3. Find a mentor. I have lost two of my college mentors one last year and one this year so I really need someone who can invest in me in the next year.

4. Read. I know its hard to do during college but I want to read more outside of class to gain a better knowledge base.

5. Take more pictures. I love pictures and I certainly don't take enough of them. I need to do so and document senior year well.

6. Preach. I took my first preaching class last semester and I want to get more experience.

7. Go to Moni's more. This is random, I know but me and my friends have decided we need to eat at this "cultural gem" more often.

8. Work out, but seriously this time. I am going to some how figure out how to do so.

9. Run. Again, really this time. I am going to run regularly at least three times a week.

10. Budget. So, I am going to be semi-launching into the real world in a year and its scary. I am poor. So, budgeting and creating a savings base are definitely on the list.

11. Watch more movies. It seems random but there are a lot of big movies I have never seen.

I know these might be random and assorted and I hope to add a couple if they come to my mind. For now though, here it is.

Lonely, Lazy, and Sinful

Talking to Grace on the phone tonight, she was excited about getting to spend a weekend alone. I had thought that too earlier in the day and then as the night went on the old battle with loneliness crept back up. I will be honest I have always been a little nuts. Even as a kid when I played by myself (which I tended to do a lot because there are six years separating me and each of my siblings) there had to be someone there to talk to. They were more times than not imaginary but that goes to show the fact I have never liked being alone.

Lonely also follows laziness. Instead of getting up and doing something to occupy my time I lay around. I had intended to use this summer to read a lot and catch up on some much needed solitude and meditation with the Lord. Overall, I have failed. Laziness brings sin more often than not because your guard goes down. I don't care what I am about to do and honestly I don't care because I want to. I hate feeling lonely and being lazy at the same time.

But I am tired of it. I am tired of letting myself feel like I need constant communication with someone or something. God uses the silent and the alone time. He just wants me to get up and go do something with it. In the words of Patty Loveless, "we've just been lonely too long." I am tired of it. Jesus is always there and he is willing to do something big if I get up off my rear and just do something.

Love Lost, Wisdom Gained

So, I talked about in my last post how I had a first time experience this past year. A girlfriend. The whole story is honestly too long and complicated and most of you could care less about the details, so I will spare you the hurt. But, I did learn a lot through it and to really kind of move on I guess you could say, I am going to make a list.

1. Obsession is bad. If you know me at all, you know I get obsessed with things. I mean, if you are one of my close friends I probably fear for your life, your sin, and even your grades in school than I do my own. Well, not as drastic as I just made that sound, but you now what I mean. I was obsessed for a long time with this girl. It wasn't a good thing. I was looking for a girl friend, I thought she was a nice girl, so I pursued. And pursued. And pursued.

2. Obsession does not bring love. After months, well almost a year of obsession, we dated. I learned that my obsession for her in the previous year did not make me fall in love with her. I could create obsession, but I could not create love. It is impossible. I loved her and still do, but not like a boyfriend should love a girlfriend.

3. Love has to be shared in equal parts. I told myself at first the reason she seemed to care about me more than I cared about her was she was a girl and they are just wired that way. At the end of the day though, she was falling in love with me and I was not with her (which was not her fault and I want to stress that). I thought when we started dating it would end in getting married. I was an idiot. So it surprised me when even in our short relationship the "m" word came up. I mean, to be honest I could have married her and I could have lived with her and I could have made her happy. However, I would be living a life everyday where I know our love is not shared equally and to me that isn't fair to me or her.

4. Breaking up is hard. I knew I needed to break up with her for a long time. That doesn't mean it wasn't hard then and after. It wasn't just hard for you, let's just put it that way. However, the peace that came after doing the right thing didn't mean I didn't feel like a jerk, like I had ruined her life. I did do the right thing and analyze what happened before that and how much it hurt all you want, I did what was right, but that didn't make it easy.

5. Wait for God. Some people may have found the perfect spouse by looking and seeking after them. It didn't work for me. I have began to realize I suffer from loneliness. Like really bad and there will be an upcoming post on that for sure. But, wanting to be with someone more than wanting to be with God and seeking to find someone more than I am seeking out God is not ok. So, next time, if there is a next time I am simply waiting on my Father to give me direction.

6. Relationships don't make sin go away. Sin is still going to be there. Lust is still going to be there. Thoughts you don't want to think are still going to be there. It is not going away because you have some teenage-like commitment with a girl. So, deal with it. Guys, be honest, don't be afraid to talk about what is going on. Girls, its not okay. I mean, be sympathetic and encourage but rebuke too. Just because mail brains are wired to think about sex all the time doesn't mean we need to hear, it will be ok nine time as day.

7. Be honest. I know I said that in my last number, but really. If you are going to be adult enough to try to be in a relationship tell each other the real stuff. Don't hold back.

In conclusion, I don't know if any of this is right. This is just what I have concluded from my limited experience. I am not trying to call anyone out. We all make mistakes. These are all mine. So, in the risk of being completely wrong about all of this, I am pressing "publish post."

The Joy of Your Salvation

So, it has been a while. One might say too long in fact. That someone, by the way would be me. I have forgotten how therapeutic this whole blogging thing is. So, one of my new additions to my list of ways in which I need to be more disciplined is to blog more. So, here it goes....

Psalm 51:12 makes the statement, "return me to the joy of your salvation." This statement made by the psalmist has been haunting me for a long time now. I say haunting because, honestly, I don't understand it. I have been trying to and I think I know what it means to me (which by saying I have quite possibly made a large hermeneutical error). Well, I know what I think it means to a lot of people. Lets be real honest with ourselves....we forget what God has done for us. I mean, I was seven years old when I began my relationship with Christ, I remember being excited and wanting to do great things for the kingdom. I remember me and my friends wanted to invite people to church and provide them with information in the process. What did we do? We made brochures copying and pasting things about our church on to large sheets of paper (now I mean literally copying and pasting). We wanted to do something for God.

Fast forward....last summer was the first time in a long time (maybe since those first few months after my salvation) I could feel God using me in a mighty way. I mean it was an everyday thing. I would talk to a friend and she would tell me I was different. I was glad. I needed to be different. She basically told me that would change when I got back. I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to continue to work for Christ and to change.

Boy did I change, the work part was a little more difficult......If I had to chart the changes in my life in the last year I could point to one single event. Confession time. At our annual Ministry Team Leadership retreat we had a time of corporate confession where we all took time to confess with the group some of our deepest, darkest sin. I held back. I always do. I don't want other people to know I mess up and I am pretty sure no one has sin problem like I do (which the whole experience proved that notion wrong). After a lot of prayer, journaling and reading through scripture that night and into the next day I knew what I had to do...confess. I did to two of my closest friends on the way back home. Did it change me? Unbelievably so. Did it fix my sin? No.

The school year went on....I had my first girl friend (which I should probably reflect on in a post all by itself), for the first time I knew what accountability was, I was learning slowly and surely to be transparent because life is to short not to be, and honestly I went through after having two of the biggest spiritual boosters in my life one of the darkest times in my life. A lot, went on internally and a lot of confusion. I depended too much on those around me and not enough on the one who gave me life. Typical.

So, what's the point. The point is all these experiences made me have joy in God's salvation. They made me take stock of my life and realize what Christ did and how much grace he really had to extend to me. It was a lot, by the way. But, they were all short lived because they were very situationally based. They didn't carry over because I wasn't committed enough. Honestly, it shouldn't take some special event for me to bask in the joy of God's salvation. I should wake up renewed and refreshed everyday thinking of how great a God I serve and how deep my sin is and yet how merciful and might the Savior is. The fact that God himself dwells inside of me and works in the world I live in. All of this is reason to never loose the joy of your salvation.

Thoughts?
Advice?

Praying a Little Prayer

I don't pray as often as I should.  God has actually been showing me how bad I suck at it for a while now.  I often pray selfish prayers, but I just wanted to make a short list of things I try to regularly pray for.

1. My friends, the best ones.  The ones who listen to all my messed up musings and hug me after my screw ups.  I pray because they are getting married, just got a divorce, or have a girlfriend.  I pray because all too often, I am in the same shoes they are in and I don't know what to say to them for advice.  I pray for my friends.

2.  Hannah.  I thank God she's ours.  That he gave us a special blessing that never ceases to make me smile.  I thank him that I cry after I talk to her one the phone.  I pray that we will take this blessing he has given to us and teach her all about him and King Jesus.

3. Bub.  I pray that God will keep everything going smoothly.  I pray that we will want him to be a permanent part of our life not just for selfish reasons but to raise him in the knowledge of the Lord.  I pray for his salvation.  And I miss his chubby cheeks.

4.  I pray about my future and that I would not be an idiot and miss the opportunity when he sends it.

5.  I ask for forgiveness of habitual sin.

6.  I ask to understand my minor sufferings and that God would put them in perspective for me.

7.  I pray for revival and spiritual awakening in my generation.  That we will truly reach the world for our King.  And I know that has to start with me.

8.  I pray for people to cross my path to share him with, I should pray this more.

9.  I pray for the kids I teach and minister to.  I love them so much and I don't realize enough how fortunate I am to have these precious, small souls in my life.  They challenge me everyday and I love them more than I could ever express.

10.  I am going to start praying for change.  Because I have to change.

They Went Whorring

Sorry for the explicitly of my wording in the title.  Well, I am not really sorry just to be honest.  That is how God put it.  And well, I like it.  God doesn't mince his words.  The Old Testament is full of God using images of a cheating spouse to describe the Israelites.  It is an image God had been showing me through out my reading of the Pentateuch and then even more in a sermon at church a couple of months ago.  It is apt.  That is what they did.  That is how they treated God.  Stupid Israel.  They were reminded constantly of God's love for them.  He was right there.  His presence was literally evident in a cloud.  He was there with them.  They still screwed up.  Stupid, stupid Israel.  Who would ever do that?

Hold up wait a minute.  I would.  And chances are you would too.  Cheating isn't something that is unattractive or unappealing or so many people wouldn't do it.  Let's be honest for a minute, people often have good, logical reasons for cheating on their spouses.  They don't feel like their needs are being met, their husband ignores them, their wife is more concerned about her social calendar that her husband, the husband is a workaholic and neglects his role to his wife a a spiritual leader.  Cheating makes sense sometimes.  In our human brains, it is even considered the only choice.  It is not.  It is still wrong no matter how rational we make it.

But that is what we all do to God.  We know what sin is and yet we get caught up in it anyway.  Lust appeals to our eyes and we can't stop looking.  Greed appeals to our ears and we want that cool new phone all our friends are talking about.  Gossip averts our our attention from our own emotional baggage and we indulge ourselves into focusing on other people's faults.  Look folks, sin is fun.  Sin is desirable and in our perspective on the world it would make us happy.  The problem is born again believers know the difference.

It is about relationship. It has always been about relationship.  God adopted us as his children, bestowed his grace upon us, and made us holy.  We are holy.  But, in that we are responsible for our actions.  The Israelites were.  They new better and were punished.  Forgiveness never negates consequences.  God warned the Israelites and when they didn't heed that warning they got punished.  I am kind of obsessed currently with a story in the book of Numbers (yes Numbers Dr. Gore is wearing off on me).  It is in chapter 25.  The Israelites (for the first of many times) start worshipping Baal.  They get so bad two of them even start having sex in the tabernacle.  Really?  Really?  Yes.  That bad.  God doesn't tolerate blatant disobedience like that.  Phineas, grandson of the high priest Aaron takes a spear and shoves it through them and kills them both instantly.  A plague is brought upon the whole nation that had been worshipping Baal and God cleanses them.  God does not tolerate infidelity.

I am not trying to convict the three people that read this.  This is really a slap to my own face.  I sin a lot. I mess up a lot and while I know God's grace covers my sin and I can't dwell on my mistakes, I know God doesn't tolerate infidelity.  It is hard to be faithful.  I don't have the perspective God does.  He tries to give it to me and so often I resist it.  He gives me avenues of confession and accountability and I don't take them.  In other words, get the picture Will.  The Israelites wrote down their mess ups so we wouldn't do them.  So, here's to trying harder.